Jennasis Speaks: The Transformative Power of Women's Stories

Overcoming Invisible Loss: A Mother's Journey - Jennifer with Natasha Kossler

September 03, 2020 Jennifer Malcolm Season 1 Episode 9
Jennasis Speaks: The Transformative Power of Women's Stories
Overcoming Invisible Loss: A Mother's Journey - Jennifer with Natasha Kossler
Show Notes Transcript

Motherhood is a precious journey—one that for some, begins with a silent struggle. In this episode of Jennasis Speaks, Natasha Kossler shares her story of overcoming heartbreaking miscarriages, stillbirth, and the challenges of adoption to finally realize her dream as a mother of five.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Welcome to the Jennasis Speaks podcast, The Transformative Power of Women's Stories, a platform that empowers women storytelling, to promote collective vulnerability, acceptance and healing. I am your host, Jennifer Malcolm, self made entrepreneur, women advocate and life balance expert. Welcome to our next Jennasis Speaks podcast where every woman has a story and every story matters. I'm Jennifer Malcolm, your host, and with me today is my friend Tasha Kossler. Tasha is a mother of five who lives in Colorado with her husband. And she's joining us today to talk about her journey of motherhood through many transitions, trials, triumphs that she has encountered along the way. So I want to welcome today, my friend, Tasha, and can't wait to jump into your story.

Natasha Kossler:

Hello, how are you doing?

Jennifer Malcolm:

I'm doing well. Thank you. I was just saying I can't It's been so long since I've seen your face. So this is fun. That zoom has brought our worlds back together.

Natasha Kossler:

It's so true. I was just thinking, because I lived in Cleveland, we moved in 2010. And I was like, has it really been 10 years that we see another face to face? Absolutely. I

Jennifer Malcolm:

don't think I've seen Yeah, we've done email. We've done texts. We've done other stuff. But it was the first time in 10 years that I've seen your face. so

Natasha Kossler:

crazy. I love it, though. I love that I get to see your face.

Jennifer Malcolm:

And that's the beauty of the way we record this podcast with zoom and being able to interact and see each other. And that's bringing the world a little bit smaller.

Natasha Kossler:

Yes, love it.

Jennifer Malcolm:

So how is Colorado? So you went from Cleveland to Kansas City to Colorado, but you've been in Colorado for about a year now. How's Colorado?

Natasha Kossler:

Yes. So we went from Cleveland to Kansas City to actually Oklahoma. And Oklahoma. We went to Colorado. So we've been and pagosa Springs for a year. It's a small, tiny mountain town. But we love it. It's almost everything that you want in a small town. You're not too secluded from everything. I'm about two hours away from Target. So that's the only bummer. But great restaurants, resort. Mountains can be hiking all outdoors that you can think of. There's rivers, so it's great. That sounds amazing.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Chad and I went to Colorado last August to Winter Park area. And we just spent five, six days hiking and biking and walking and exploring the horseback riding and such a beautiful state.

Natasha Kossler:

I love it. I love I didn't know how much I loved outdoors until I came here. Awesome. That's awesome. So

Jennifer Malcolm:

let's get into your story a little bit. Where were you born because those of you who are not seeing Tasha may not we'll have some pictures up through social media and through our podcast. But where were you born and how did you migrate to Cleveland?

Natasha Kossler:

So I am actually from Hawaii. I was born and raised on the island of Oahu, which is where Pearl Harbor is Honolulu. I was in a very small town called coyote which is on the east side of Hawaii. And live there child 24. I got married and then moved to Ohio. Where my husband's from he's actually from Canada, Ohio, which is about an hour south of Cleveland. So we moved there in 2006. Yeah. 2006 summer 2006. So,

Jennifer Malcolm:

and anyone who knows Tasha she adores her husband, Matt. She's always doting on him on social media and Facebook. How did you guys meet?

Natasha Kossler:

We actually met in church. So Matt is from Ohio. He went to college at Pepperdine in California, worked at Cheesecake Factory. And then he actually moved to Hawaii to open a cheesecake factory in Waikiki. And just kind of out of nowhere I showed up at my church kind of stuck out. And it was just I think anyone who knows him, he just kind of has this personality that you just want to get to know right away. And so I saw him at church and I was like, I don't know who you are. But we need to be friends. I don't know why. And it just kind of went from there.

Jennifer Malcolm:

So then what brought you back to Cleveland? So I mean, going from Hawaii kind of sounds a little sexy to live in which you know, not so sexy. How did you guys make that transition? or Why did you make that transition?

Natasha Kossler:

Um, there are a lot of reasons why, for one is very expensive to live. The cost of living is just astronomical compared to the states but also just the idea of raising a family and wine to me picture Well look like to have a family. I want to experience all the Four Seasons, and just all the things that lend itself in the States. And so we decided to venture back to Ohio, which is where Matt is from and just kind of went from there.

Jennifer Malcolm:

And that's where you and I met. So it was around 2000 2007. Our paths crossed back then. And we became pretty close. When your husband, I was married at the time, and spent quite a bit of time at the Cleveland house of prayer. And in each other's lives, you guys were newlyweds and loving life. And just really, you guys were pivotal, super pivotal in when I went through my divorce in 2009. And I was making some unhealthy choices. I was hurting beyond measure. And I remember going to you and Matt. And, you know, I had been rejected by a lot of people pushed out by a lot of people within the church and within the community that I was grew up in, it was very familiar in. And I remember coming to you and Matt, and you guys were just like how you doing? And I was like, horrible. And you guys were like, cool. We want to go out and grab some pizza or doing a Hangout like zero judgment, zero, just true love that I'm so grateful for. So there was there was a few people pivotal during that time. And you and Matt were two of those people that even through my dark times and ugly choices, you guys just shone brightly. And I'm really, really grateful for your friendship.

Natasha Kossler:

Well, thank you. Um, yeah, we're still the same. No matter where you're at, I feel like we'd be like, okay, you might go over Pete

Jennifer Malcolm:

actly. And I remember all the homemade pizza nights we did at my place and just hung out. But I really wanted to express gratitude to you both because having kindness and unconditional love and friendship during a time of hell and back, insanely grateful for you both so. So you, I

Natasha Kossler:

love you. We love you.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So then, what year did you guys move from Cleveland to Kansas City.

Natasha Kossler:

We moved in the fall of 2010. Okay.

Jennifer Malcolm:

And at this point, you guys are starting to Jones for a family, I believe. And tell the audience a little bit about your journey into motherhood.

Natasha Kossler:

So we had been trying to have kids for about five years at that point, and then we moved to Kansas City in 2010, to be part of the International House of Prayer, mission space, to be missionaries to kind of get trained up, went to an internship there. And it was a very interesting time in Kansas City. Because there is a lot of prayer that was going on, there is a ministry that was just kind of unusual that was going on, they called it the awakening service where a lot of people were getting healed physically, emotionally. And so a lot of people had just a lot of expectation from God for things that they didn't believe for before. Sure. So we kind of got there, and everybody just wanted to pray for us, then they kind of heard our story about wanting to have children that we've been trying for five years. And so everyone just kind of like started praying. Oh, it was overwhelming, to be honest. Um, and so that's kind of Yeah, so we don't know why it's, we couldn't have children for five years. But we've been trying for five years at that point intensity.

Jennifer Malcolm:

And then what was the progression from there? So I know you've have five beautiful children now. But you had heartache along the way. So can you share a little bit about that journey?

Natasha Kossler:

Yeah, so in Kansas City, we actually did get pregnant. And it was just an amazing time. Because so many people were praying for us so many people were believing with us. And we just felt just this collective support by so many people. And so we got pregnant. And then, um, at 35 weeks being pregnant, I found out that our daughter's heartbeat had stopped. And so we ended up having a stillborn at 35 weeks. And that was in September of 2011. And so that was really difficult. As anyone who's ever gone through that, and and very shocking. I just remember just it was almost like everything just paused and I couldn't even write rationalize everything that was going on and to the point where I realized that I still had to give birth to my daughter. And so there's so many things that I was just, everything was in slow mo I nothing registered. Um, but yeah, so I 35 weeks, she was stillborn I gave birth to adilyn joy. And that was September 8 2011.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Wow. And I remember like, I remember conversations and Matt was in communication with my parents and they were sharing the story. And just the heartbreak the grief, and I'm sure the the numbing of reality setting in for the loss as well as now you still physically have to go through this process of giving birth? And tell if you're open to it, tell what you're comfortable with the audience. You know, those few days in the hospital because you guys had a real sacred space for a while there with your community and family. So do you mind sharing a little bit about that? That story there?

Natasha Kossler:

Sure. Um, you know, it was a, it was a weird thing, because we weren't in a community with so many people at that time. And so it was this weird feeling of vulnerability and being exposed because you couldn't hide what was going on. And so it was one of those things where I kind of was just like, God, you're gonna have to do whatever you're doing, because I can't do it. There's nothing in my control. And so there was just a lot of sweet nazzer friends that came to visit, prayed over us during that time, we had worship going on when I gave birth to her. Matt was there with me, but it's hard time. And it was very beautiful how everything happened. She came in the early morning at 5:55am. And even just felt the Lord saying right when she came, her middle name is Joy. And the Lord just reminded us that though there's pain in the night joy comes in the morning. And so there was something about just giving birth to her that there was something happened. I can't really put into words what happened. But something happened in that moment that there was relief, right. And so along the way, there were friends I came to visit, and it just their presence alone, not necessarily what they said, but their presence alone. I just felt them Uranus, the Lord in that time. And I do remember, um, because when you go through, excuse me, when you go through a trauma like that, you don't really your thinking is much slower things don't click right away. And so I actually forgot because of all the emotions that I felt, I actually forgot for a moment that I was on a maternity ward after I had given birth to add one. And so I went to the bathroom in my hospital room, and I heard this faint noise and I couldn't put together what am I hearing, like right now, like, I'm hearing something sounds like a kitten, I'm not really sure it's very faint. And then I finally remember that I was on a maternity ward. And it was actually a baby that had just been born that was nearby. And I remember right before I could think, have a reaction have an emotional reaction. I just felt the spirit say, and your child will not know what it means to cry. Your child will not know what it means to sit here. And that was so encouraging and important to me. And obviously all this is based off of my faith and where I am with the Lord. And I was just reminded of the Scripture that in his presence is fullness of joy. And so just that reminder again of like she was born and Yes, she's not in this world, but she's not in pain. She's not crying, she's in fullness of joy, like and just just felt the Lord is reiterating like she's okay. It's gonna be okay.

Jennifer Malcolm:

That's awesome. And here am I like a hair I'm crying already. The beauty of it I get of capturing people's stories is hearing the beauty and cadence and the song within your heart through a traumatic experience. So as you guys walk through this and you had a community How did you and how do you continue to leave a legacy? remember her and I know that our family participated on the annual on her birthday, what what birthday but share a little bit about your journey to honor your daughter.

Natasha Kossler:

So we do every year on her birthday on September 8. We Do some flowers celebration. And so we actually take the time to, and it kind of extended at first it was about just remembering adwin. And then it was about, you know, we want to remember all babies that were lost. We have friends who have had miscarriages, we've known women who have had stillborns, or have had loss of some sort, maybe not child. And so we want to extend that to you know what, we just want to celebrate life. And so and we want to do this in honor of atlin. So on every September 8, we would pass out some flowers, and we would just bless people, sometimes it's strangers, sometimes it's people that we know. But we just want to do that just to bless people and to say, Hey, you know what we're thinking of you, we see you, the Lord sees you. And there's joy to be had, even in the midst of grief.

Jennifer Malcolm:

That's awesome. And so I think it was the first or second year of her birthday, I took my kids, we went to Trader Joe's we got some flowers, snagged my mom. And we just went to Panera, we went to a few different places and went to strangers. And my kids were like, this is weird. And I was like, just wait, just wait for it and seeing the surprise of a gift unexpected from a stranger. And that that seed of joy, that seed of love that seed of being seen, a simple act of giving someone a sunflower, has brought so much joy, and you know, honoring a legacy of her name, honor honoring a legacy of your journey of being her mom. It's powerful. So I want to commend you and Matt for taking an element of such pain, and turning it for goodness and joy and laughter and love and goodness that you could have turned angry, you could have turned bitter, you could have been resentful, and you didn't you you know, let your hearts shine through this and allows your faith to be your guiding point, close through it, and honor your daughter in this journey. So well done.

Natasha Kossler:

Thank you. You know, when all this happened, I did question. I had questions, you know, to God. And one of the questions was, what's the point? What is the point of being pregnant and not having this child. And again, all this is based off on my faith and my relationship with God. But one of the things I thought he shared was, she has an eternal life. And so for all of eternity, she has a life that's on a different side of this age, like we're living on this earth, but there's something greater, and she's a part of that. And I saw her as someone that was so important that I want to her in eternity. And so that really shifted my perspective. And so I think you were able to do things like the sunflower celebration because of that. And I think when I really think about it, I think the core of our DNA as humans is we do want to be seen, we want to be known and we want to be loved. If we could go back to the bare basics, and I think unexpected kindness like what you're saying, and giving someone a simpler it does that is tell someone that they're seen when they might be going through something. It makes them feel known, even if it's a stranger, and it makes them feel loved. And so being able to do that. I think it's it's a special gift. And I'm glad that the Lord kind of let us do that.

Jennifer Malcolm:

I love it. So you get walked through this season. Were you scared to try to have a family again? Or even explore? or How did you guys navigate? All right, I still want a family. It's still in our heart. We just through trauma, we just went through an immense loss and grief. How did you and Matt go from there?

Natasha Kossler:

Um, you know, we always want our children and so it didn't stop us from having children and, and I did go through grief counseling, I went through a lot of inner healing stuff. And through that process, I was able to share my fears and, and still understand, okay, I still have desires in my heart that I want. I want a family. And so that in itself was a journey for me, personally. Um, so we just tried, we just kept trying, um, and then right in 2013, we decided, Well, let me back up. We have always had a heart for adoption, even in the midst of trying for kids, not because we couldn't have kids. It was just something that we've always had a heart for. And so we actually started the process of adoption in 2013. At a kind of look like we're gonna post something on Facebook was kind of the beginning of our adoption process. Um, we are very unconventional and everything that we do, and our family stories were unconventional. And someone messaged my husband, who was a counselor. So my husband did team ministry in Kansas City, he did a summary team camp through the ministry that we were a part of, and he did a leadership team intensive. And that summer, and one of the counselors had messaged my husband saying, Hey, I know someone who's pregnant, but she's going to get an abortion if she doesn't find someone to adopt her child. So that kind of, and this is all through Facebook. Got a lot done. So funny. And so we ended up talking to the birth mom, who was living in Washington state at that time, and she wanted to come and meet us in person in Kansas City. So we talked on the phone, had her come, we met, she actually lived with us for three months. And her third trimester. Um, and, in fact, when she lived with us actually got pregnant, and I miscarried at eight weeks. And so she was actually there through that process. And she was a little nervous and she was like, you still want my child. You don't want to adopt my child and then I miscarried as she saw the process. And I think it was beautiful that she was there for that, of how the Lord carried us through and how we had a community that came around us, even in the midst of miscarriage. And so that was in 2013. And in 2014, Jagan was born. He was born in March, and we took him home from the hospital. But a couple of weeks before he was born, I found out I was pregnant with Shiloh. And so they are seven and a half months apart. And it's just it's been a wild ride since then. And so, yes, when I was pregnant with Shiloh, I did have fears. Especially around the 35 week, Mark, I was like, Okay, if I can make it through to 36 weeks, I'm good. I'm in the clear. And every pregnancy that I had sense, there's always this, like, I'm gonna hold my breath until a certain point. And it wasn't that I didn't trust God. It was just one of those things where I was like, okay, like, I it's not up to me. I don't know what's gonna happen. So I was kind of like, okay, is, is everything gonna be okay? And so, yes, so I did have fear and all my pregnancy. Oh, and that's

Jennifer Malcolm:

so it's like that's so human human motion. So you having fear is not doubting guide you having fear, isn't it negating your healing process or that journey? It's just a human emotion. And yet, a lot of women who have had miscarriages or problems getting pregnant, you know, it's I'm not going to say anything until the first trimester is over. So I can't imagine saying, I'm almost through my third trimester until I can finally take a breath of like, Okay, this, you know, is going well,

Natasha Kossler:

yes. Wow. And good. And it's funny, because at 35 weeks, you could deliver so it's not about, you know, but I think for my story, because adilyn was stillborn at 35 weeks, I was just kind of like, Okay, if I could just make it through third trimester, I can make it to 36 weeks or Okay, if we make it to 37 weeks, it's okay. And so, um, so yeah, and we actually had a second miscarriage in between our fourth and fifth child. And so, we had two miscarriages and and so born, but fear is okay, you know, it's just what we do with that fear is what I've learned along the way, like, Where am I going to take that fear to and for me, it was the Lord.

Jennifer Malcolm:

No, that's powerful. And so I can't imagine you're you now have a newborn that you just adopted brought home from the hospital and you're pregnant, and then a half months apart, are caretaking a baby pregnant hoping to get past 35 weeks? How is that like going from not having a baby to adopting to being pregnant and giving birth? You know, to Shiloh seven and a half months later, like the head to been a crazy, emotional, fun, insane time.

Natasha Kossler:

It was a wild ride. I will say Adopting shakey and it was kind of funny bringing him home because we had no idea what we're doing. We came home and we're like, so do we feed him? Do we put him down? What do we do? It was just funny because we didn't have that nine months of like preparation. So we're like, Huh, okay. Maybe he's hungry. I'm not sure should we change his diaper? It was just such a funny transition going from like nothing to something. And then I had morning sickness when I was pregnant with Shiloh, my first trimester. And so Matt really stepped up and helped take care of Jake and they bonded right away. And that was, I felt just really precious to have that he's our only boy and to have just that time between a father and son, I think was just really precious that that just happened the way that I did. And so, um, yeah, it's been wild. I remember Shiloh came out with her fist. She had a fist and she just came out on first. I was just like, Okay, here we go. No, it's been great. They have been inseparable. They're very close. I mean, seven and a half months apart. They're pretty much Irish twins. And so it's been great. Nothing much really changed. When they when the two of them came. We just kind of told it to them around everywhere that we went, and that was fun. But then when we had Kyla, that's where it got a little tricky. You're like,

Jennifer Malcolm:

what's a difference between Shiloh and Kyla?

Natasha Kossler:

They are Let me think about it. A child was born October. And then Kyla was born in December. So 14 months apart from you have

Jennifer Malcolm:

basically at that point, you're having three under two years old?

Natasha Kossler:

Yes. And so it was wild. And we had I was pregnant, my Kyla when we moved to Oklahoma. And it was just one of those things where I just learned that like, you have to learn how to juggle. And in real life, I don't know how to juggle so I'm like, okay, I don't know how to do this. Um, but you just manage you just learn along the way what you can't handle what what to say yes. To what to say no to and so I think three was my, my biggest hurdle.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Then you continued,

Natasha Kossler:

and we continue with two more.

Jennifer Malcolm:

So tell me tell the audience, your last two girls.

Natasha Kossler:

So we have Ashlynn. And she is three years old right now. She's potty trained. She is in preschool, as she is my strong willed child who kind of was just, you know, you can't bribe her to do anything. Everything's just on her own terms. How she learns is on her own terms. The next step, whatever season she's in, it's all on her. And then we have Bo n who is going to be two in August, and she is wild. I love her just fearless. Just both like just loves life full of joy, but also just fearless. Like she just showed up, jumped down the stairs, she'll jump off the couch. I mean, zero fear.

Jennifer Malcolm:

So it's crazy to see and I've learned as being, you know, Camden who's now 19 Paige who's almost 18 Reagan who's almost 16 You know, when I hit Camden, I was like, all right, motherhood. Alright, boy. So when I had Paige I, my instinct was that those two are going to be so much alike. They're very different, very, very different. And then when I had Reagan, I was like, okay, two girls, the girls are going to be alike, they're probably more opposite in nature. They're getting similar as they're getting older, but so different. So it's so amazing how the same DNA how different, you know, the individual personalities, which when I look at me and my sister were night and day different in our personalities, but I think as you're coming into motherhood, you just say like, Alright, these are gonna be the three kids very similar and they're so different. So right.

Natasha Kossler:

Yes, all my kids are different. So Shiloh is very much the motherly type very much like firstborn. I mean, she would be Teacher's pet. She's very orderly. She just likes to care for people. takes on many mom role, you know? Kyla is very shy. She doesn't take many risks, but she loves Well, she, she's a hugger. She loves to be around people and and does embrace them. I think she gets that from that. And then Ashlyn is very bold, but Also strong, we'll just, you know everything on her own terms. And then you have Bolin, who's just like fearless just wants to have fun. And then you have Jacob, who's the oldest and who's the boy, but has such a tender heart. And so they're all just different. And even the stages, you can you could kind of see early on that they're all different.

Jennifer Malcolm:

I yes. And I, I cannot wait to someday meet your children, they'll probably be you know, teenagers by the time you and I see each other face to face physically, but who knows? So as you're parenting and navigating transitions from different states and cities, how are you and Matt navigating? Because I know that your faith is important. missions is important. Prayer is important. How are you guys navigating? or putting that thread in your journey as well?

Natasha Kossler:

Um, as far as transitioning from place?

Jennifer Malcolm:

And what were you guys doing career wise? Or what were your why were your hops from different cities? You know, what was your why between that?

Natasha Kossler:

I'm from Kansas City, we were you know, we were full time missionaries. And we had Jacob and Shiloh. And we just felt that we were starting to expand our family. And we just wanted to play some roots down and just for our family. So we moved to Oklahoma with that in mind. And we did we expand our family, we had three more kids. And then somewhere along the way, we just felt like I don't think this is where we're going to end up late for the rest of our life. And the Lord just kind of put mountains on our heart. And there's a lot of things that went into that. But we just decided to go to those two springs. And we do know some friends here, previous tour and move. And so Matt went out first. And he was like, I think this is it. Like I think this is where we're supposed to be. And I'm like, I'm all for mountains. I'll go wherever there's mountains. And so and the small town and just being in a small community was just something that we really wanted. And so we decided to move there. And it's been great, not without challenges, like any other person or any other place, but it's been it's been great for our family.

Jennifer Malcolm:

How are you guys surviving quarantine with five littles? little small town.

Natasha Kossler:

Um it's an interesting, what, what I appreciate about Colorado is there's so much to do outdoors. And so that's one thing that I do appreciate with that. I was actually surprised with how our children actually adapted really well to quarantine just as a whole. And so I think that in itself has been helpful, and they have each other. So that's been helpful. I think what has helped us is having a routine, I'm not a strict schedule person. But just having a routine where we're doing something in the morning, and we're doing something in the afternoon, or going outside, we're spending time together as a family at night. And so just having little routines. It helps set up expectations for our children. And so there's things to look forward to. And so they're not just kind of just sitting around, doing nothing.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Active, I'm sure keeping them outside, getting fresh air doing something that interesting and intriguing to them is half the battle. So you know, being that creative element of Let's go play and explore and no hike or whatever. I'm sure. What's your favorite part about being a mom of five.

Natasha Kossler:

Because they're so young right now I am constantly having Well, I have the ability to constantly see through their lens to through their perspective. And that's been really fun, because that has allowed me not to get bogged down by the things of life, even now at COVID. And Black Lives Matter. And there's so many things going on election coming up. It could be so easy to just get stressed out and overwhelmed by things going on around us. And what I love the most is being able to just look through the lens of like, this is what my children see though, like they're not paying attention of everything else. They're they're just loving life right now in the moment. It with the simple things and so I love that they kind of bring me back to simple loving the simplicity of life.

Jennifer Malcolm:

I love it. And through a business group that I'm involved in here in Cleveland. We talk about our COVID keeps and what are the things that you are learning through COVID that you cherish that you you know, whether it's family dinners, whether it's playing games, whether it's having evenings with, you know, your children, teenagers having deeper conversations, not having your calendar scheduled, you know from morning till night, you know Every day of the month, and so you know that piece of simplicity, your COVID, keep of, you know, the innocence, viewing the world through the innocence of your children's eyes and the simplicity of your children's eyes and the world is still calm and a place of exploration and joy and share. And I'm sure that nugget of gold will last in your heart for a really long time.

Natasha Kossler:

It Well, it really well. And I feel like that, if I could be completely honest, is what's keeping me sane, is just being able to like, you know what, there is still beauty that you can discover in the midst of chaos. And I'm seeing as you're my kids eyes, and it's okay to not look at the chaos and just pause and discover and enjoy what's before us. And so I appreciate that about my children.

Jennifer Malcolm:

So are you also I believe, doing some part time work through COVID, and kids and moose and all of that.

Natasha Kossler:

I am I work for a web agency, and I do social media marketing for them. And I also on the side have a mom blog community that I'm a part of with three other moms. And that's been fun. We've been doing that since 2016. And then I'm also helping with the children's ministry at our church. So it's, it's full, it's a full life.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Well, I can't imagine raising five kids under six and having three major outlets, but I'm sure those are things that also breathe life into you and give you joy and replenish the peace in you to live a life of I'm also a woman and a mom in this and are more so a woman and a wife in this. And yes, I'm a mom. And that's a huge piece of my identity. But having other outlets as well

Natasha Kossler:

is I feel like it's very fulfilling. And with social media marketing, it is really interesting because of where social media is right now. But I feel like Personally, I feel like I'm building platforms for people to have a voice and for companies and organizations to have a voice. And so I think right now, that's something that's special in the midst of the noise that's kind of going around. And the same thing with my mom blog community, I think there's a special voice that everyone has, that needs to be heard. And so being able to, to build platforms where that is very rewarding.

Unknown:

Now that's powerful. And I remember the days that you were working for Jennasis as well. So you were one of our team members and doing some of the same thing. So it's obviously something within your heart of releasing voice positioning, voice and and vantage point that is in your heart as well and being able to disseminate that in the midst of a lot of chatter, and negativity and to kind of rise above that. So I know that's been in your your mind and heart for quite a while. How do you What advice would you give to moms who are trying to do both where they're really trying to be a good mom, and also contribute into the workspace about either work life balance? Or how what advice would you give to other moms?

Natasha Kossler:

Well, um, so I read a blog not too long ago by Sally Clarkson. I don't know if you know who she is, she's kind of the mentor of all moms type of person was she wrote a blog that actually really struck my heart. And I actually shifted my perspective on something. And she was talking about pretty much breaking the myth of balance, and how we're always trying to strive for a balance. And really, there's actually no such thing. We try to multitask and, and try to carry multiple things at a time. And I learned over the years that I'm a horrible multitasker, because I can't give myself well to each day if I'm trying to balance it all at once. And so I think my main advice to a mom would be no, what is important to you know, what your priorities are, and set boundaries around that. Set up a schedule for your non negotiables that allow you to actually be present in those areas. And so if it's work, I would find out like what is a non negotiable with work that needs to be uninterrupted and scheduled time around that all the tasks can be done intermittently, but that you need to invest time in and the same thing with your family. What are non negotiables in your family that you're like no, like family dinners that's a non negotiable on keeping that or family connection or having conversations during this time or mornings are important that we spend time around. The kitchen table, whatever it may be, finding what's really important, and investing and allowing boundaries for those areas would be my thing, because we can try to balance it out. But it won't work, you all, you will always feel like you're trying to maintain something, and you're kind of just keeping your head above water and trying to survive. I think a lot of moms feel, and I've always felt this way where I'm always in survival mode. But I don't believe that, that that's where we're supposed to be, even in the midst of motherhood. Um, and so I would just say, know what your non negotiables are, establish what's priorities and put boundaries around them.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Really wise, and balanced does not mean equal parts. And I think that's as moms as women, we think that work life balance means 5050, in balance for you may look very different for balance for me, and we compare each other with each other well, she's able to, you know, have a 40 hour a week job, and be on PTA, and do you know, a coach on this and cooking dinners. And she's, you know, doing yoga and, you know, doing all this stuff, and, and we compare, we're constantly comparing to what other women are doing. And we're constantly comparing to what some people are capable of doing as far as how much they can manage, because we're all wired so differently, how much we can handle how much we can facilitate, but balance, what I've learned over the last five to eight years, does not mean 5050 doesn't mean that 50% of my time is work than 50%. Time is family, it ebbs and flows, there's times where I play hard, I'll take off, you know, several, several days, and Chad and I will get on a plane, we'll go to Charleston, this was pre COVID, or Nashville and just play and not touch work for days. And then other times, it's like I have to lock and load. And I might be working nights and weekends to get some stuff done. But it isn't balanced. And I think that piece of, you know, really identifying what's important, what are your non negotiables. And put those boundaries around those is essential. So well said

Natasha Kossler:

thank you, and understanding the season that you're in, because there may be a season where you have more capacity. And then there may be seasons that you don't and understanding the season that you're in and being okay with that also is key. And so there have been times in the past where I've worked actually more. And there are times in the past where I've actually worked less than I do in that one. So it's all about the season that you're in and embracing that as well.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Absolutely. And being compassionate to ourselves. We're compassionate to other women were so gracious about what what we give to other women and other people, but I know that I'm the hardest critic of myself, like, okay, you should be able to handle one more thing, you should be able to get out one more proposal, you should be able to do one more podcast recording, you should be able to, you know, do all that. And sometimes it's just like, No, I can't, and being clear and putting yourself in cadence. And I found to that as I have surrounded myself and shared my boundaries, shared my non negotiables verbally with others, they help keep me in that within those boundaries as well in a healthy way, not in a condemning way or mean way, but they really help remind me of like, Hey, you said you're going to, and you're, you're kind of crossing some of your non negotiables. And let's, you know, center back. And that's a beautiful piece to is having a community around.

Natasha Kossler:

Right. And you know, you always have that one woman that you feel like it's the supermom who kind of just does it all. Whether you have them in your life, or you see them on social media, you're just kind of like how, how you do that? Like, how do you have time for others? And I think it's just okay to be like, you know, what, I'm gonna celebrate that this is where I'm at. And these are the accomplishments that I've had. This is the capacity I have. And I'm doing it well, because I have these boundaries. And these are the things I've said no to so that I could say yes to these things and being able to celebrate that.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Absolutely. I had a friend two years ago, three years ago, because I was really struggling with missing something that one of my girls, I think it was a choir performance and something came up and I really had a commitment at work and it something changed the last minute I couldn't go to the the choir concert and I was so hard on myself and I felt had so much guilt of how do I how can I miss something for my kids. And the simple words of every every once in a while, Superwoman has to take off her cape like and just allow like, you can't do it all and you can't be everything to everyone and my kids know that they're the most important thing to me on this planet. And I'm going to miss out on some moments and memories and it's not for my lack of wants to be there. It's just life and other other things get in the way at times. So Oh, so I also know that you're passionate about women in general. Obviously kids with your work even with the within your church. So is it just moms Is it women? Like what is I headed in to note here that you have a strong passion for women to really thrive and who they're called to be? And how are you navigating? What are you doing to encourage? Are you doing one person at a time? Are you just doing it through life you're leading and being an example? So tell me a little bit about this passion in your heart?

Natasha Kossler:

I do I have a passion for women in general, not just moms, that just kind of understand who they are. And I think some of it is just my own personal journey. Outside of motherhood and in motherhood, because I think there is a little bit of identity loss that you're trying to just kind of walk through, when you have kids, you at home, and you're trying to figure out like, Is this all that I'm good for? Is there anything more on this? And, um, and so, yeah, my heart is for wanting to understand who they are, and being able to walk confidently in that. And so I'm part of the mom wild community that I'm part of was birthed out of that passion. And I try to, to the best of my ability, do that in friendships, do that with people that I'm wrapped around. And trying to model that out, in my own life, and so trying to anyway,

Jennifer Malcolm:

no, and that, in that regard, obviously, you and I have a very similar passion in our heart fire at our heart to bring confidence to women be a beacon of hope and light. In the last, as I've released this podcast, friends of mine who haven't been interviewed yet, but just said, You emulate joy, and you and you emulate hope. And two things that I was like, wow, like, the you walk into the room, and your countenance speaks joy and happiness and, and really, you could see it in your eyes and your in your demeanor and your face. But when you say like, Hey, you, you're a beacon of hope. Like, that's powerful, because we've all been in a place where we have felt hopeless, or we have felt downtrodden. And knowing that through healing, and through time, we can get to the other side, and really turn a trauma or a situation into something so good, and so powerful. And so for you and I both you know me through 12 years ago, when I went through a really dark period of my life with my divorce, and you with losing adilyn joy and having that trauma, but to be able to take something and still move it forward, and then still be so passionate about wanting other women to experience the beauty of that, the freedom of that the life and the hope in that. And I'm honored to be on this journey alongside you. On the other side of the United States.

Natasha Kossler:

Yes, I love it. I love it. You know, I'm, I think something that comes to mind is we, as women, as individuals, we're more than our trauma, we are more than our pain. And I think I would be just so sad if that was what kept people from living what they were meant for, you know, being the person that they weren't meant to be. And so looking beyond our pain into something that's greater is what I hope for each person. And I'm going to repeat that because that was powerful. To say it's for women, we

Jennifer Malcolm:

We are more than our trauma, and more than our pain. Yeah, we can have that before eyes that we are more than I am enough. I am worthy. Lovely. I'm beautiful. And my past doesn't define my future. And, yes, there might be fingerprints, there might still be regret, there might still be pain moments through that. But we are overcomers through that process as well. And you are a beacon of someone who is really walked through some devastating loss, and now have a bounty full of children and joy.

Natasha Kossler:

Yeah, yes, that is crazy. It's beautiful and crazy auditing time.

Jennifer Malcolm:

I'm expecting your kids to be like crawling all over you while we were.

Natasha Kossler:

They were here. Yes, they wouldn't be. I wouldn't be able to say two words.

Jennifer Malcolm:

For the audience, we will also provide links to Tasha blog and give some of the resources that she has shared any closing remarks for our audience.

Natasha Kossler:

Um, I think that's it, you are more than your pain, you're more than your trauma. There's so much greater beyond that. That's for you. And that's my hope is that you would be encouraged that there is something at the end that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's something greater than what you may be experiencing right now.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Well honored to have you on here today. Thank you for taking time. time out of your day to day to be with us and to record this podcast. And for those of you who are listening, we are honored that you are part of this journey with us. And we're at this journey of healing and giving off hope and light and joy and courage through our past through our trauma, just through our every day stuff that we deal with. And so can't wait to for you to join with us next week. And we will see you soon. Thanks. Bye. Subscribe to the Jennasis Movement to empower women's voices and reclaim the power over your own narrative.