Over the past 15 years, Betsy Muller has helped countless clients identify their fears and discomfort, using Emotional Freedom Techniques to help clients confront their fears and move on to calm, peace, and happiness.
In 2017, Betsy relied on her skills to help her through a life-changing challenge: Helping her husband recover from a serious cardiac arrest and related brain injury.
Join Betsy and Jennifer Malcolm for the next Jennasis Speaks podcast as Betsy talks about her very personal experience and how she works with others to help them heal their emotional wounds.
Over the past 15 years, Betsy Muller has helped countless clients identify their fears and discomfort, using Emotional Freedom Techniques to help clients confront their fears and move on to calm, peace, and happiness.
In 2017, Betsy relied on her skills to help her through a life-changing challenge: Helping her husband recover from a serious cardiac arrest and related brain injury.
Join Betsy and Jennifer Malcolm for the next Jennasis Speaks podcast as Betsy talks about her very personal experience and how she works with others to help them heal their emotional wounds.
Welcome to the Jennasis Speaks podcast, The Transformative Power of Women's Stories, a platform that empowers women storytelling to promote collective vulnerability, acceptance and healing. I am your host, Jennifer Malcolm, self made entrepreneur, women advocate and life balance expert. Welcome back to the next episode of Jennasis Speaks podcast, The Transformative Power of Women's Stories where every woman has a story and every story matters. I'm Jennifer Malcolm founder and president of Jennasis and Associates. And with me today is Betsy Muller, who I have known I think, since 2011. We met through business, she's been in and around work with me, has been a speaker for me and are in some of my clients. She's been a part of Jennasis Speaks way back in the early Inception on the original rendition of it. So I'm excited to have her here today with us. I'm going to read her bio, and then we're going to just jump right into her story. So Betsy is an author, speaker and leader with a heart for healing and lifting emotions. She's an accredited EFT international master trainer of Emotional Freedom Techniques, interfaith minister and a certified sold detective. She offers private coaching professional practitioner training, women's events and retreats to keep her clients growing, creating and connecting. Betsy is also the author of the best selling books, energy makeover, and the comeback story and energy makeover. Love Story. Welcome, Betsy. I'm so excited to have you here today.
Betsy Muller:I'm excited to be here too.
Jennifer Malcolm:I haven't seen your face. I know we follow each other on, on social and back and forth and through the pandemic. I haven't seen many people but you and I haven't had coffee or wine or walk or any of that for several years. So it's great to see your face. Welcome, welcome. So we're gonna just jump right into the work that you do and the work that you do with women. People will say what is EFT? So I'd love for you to take some time just to describe the work that you do the training, you've received the certification so that people can understand the beautiful work that you do do so you've been an EFT practitioner for 15 years. What is an EFT practitioner?
Betsy Muller:Okay, yes, T stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques. And it is an innovative way to calm the body down. It's actually been called acupuncture for emotions without needles. And really what the science is showing now there's a lot of clinical studies that didn't exist 15 years ago when I started doing this, but the clinical studies show that tapping, you know, tap, tap tap on your face, and on points on the body, neutralizes the human stress response. What it does is it neutralizes that activity in the brain of fight or flight, it lowers the hormone cortisol, and it calms your body will unbelievably well. And when you combine it with words, and talking and basic coaching, while you are tapping on these points, you can open up an individual to really find their brilliance to to get out of fear and to get into this place of calm clarity where everything goes better. And it's quite incredible. And oh, the other thing I should tell you, that I get all excited about in the research proves to is that when you use this process in groups, more than two together, it's just like what Jesus said about church to that it amplifies the healing effect. And I think I always knew this when I got started in my business, because I was I was really into doing group stuff and getting people together. But the other thing about it that I'm learning now is it works really well. Zoom works better than I ever imagined. And I struggled a lot lately. like can I really do this on zoom? Oh, yes. Wow, I get good. goosebumps just talking about it right now. Because that I think makes me grateful for a pandemic, in spite of how yucky has been for all of us, right?
Jennifer Malcolm:Well, it's interesting, though, because all of us as you know, business owners had to pivot through this and had to figure out what can work during a pandemic. And we also had to go back to the innovation, like what can I do differently? How can I pivot this service or this offering and for you to be able to do that? On zoom is incredible because I would think that it's a physical, my assumption would be like, Oh, you have to physically be together and get the energy but if you can facilitate that way, that's amazing. I am in awe because the last two years I'm seeing so much more about tapping about breath therapy about all this stuff is becoming more and more normal to say or, or more and more prevalent, but you've been in this work. A long time. So you were really a floor runner, when people weren't doing it when people didn't understand that, how did that feel? Because sometimes I think people used to say, like, Oh, she's a little wacky, or a little woowoo, or a little out there. But like the science and all of us are catching up to where you've been. But how is that for you navigating that?
Betsy Muller:So I think for me, personally, you know, I was I was very grounded solid business person. Before I got into this. I have a chemistry degree Master's in business I had, I had been in a lot of pretty responsible business roles. And people who knew me knew I didn't just like fly off the handle in the weird stuff. The thing is, I've always been open minded to when I, when I tried this the first time in 2001, I was blown away. Because I'd always been really highly stressed. Because of all the things I was doing, you know, I was a working mother and I had really demanding corporate jobs. And when I found you have to just like, like, what was that? And there was no science behind it. And the scientist in me was like, very frustrated, like, well, there's got to be science, somebody's got to study this, this is this is doing something What's going on? And, you know, I think it just took my my inner strength said, you know, what, this is the right thing to do. I'm gonna totally change careers. I put all my, my previous experience off to the side and decided to become an expert at a new thing at age 47. That's, and, you know, I even look baggers, like, how did you know to do that, but it felt it felt so right. And it wasn't like it, that change didn't happen, because at any crisis in my life, I was totally happy. Everything was going fine. My marriage, my kids. Yeah, I was busy. I was working. I was sometimes stress, but there was nothing that said, Oh, you have to totally rewrite your life. And yet, when they came into my life, I'm like, Huh, I think I have to do this. And I even quit a job without being sure what I was going to do with it. That's how I guess How daring it was at the time.
Jennifer Malcolm:What do you think it's fun, because you know, for me, like this genesis at Jennasis Speak was a second career for me. I you know, my background was athletic training, pre physical therapy. It was a high school science teacher. And then through divorce, I basically got that, you know, I felt the, the whispering of Who do you want to be when you grew up? And I was like, I don't know if I want that schedule or that life. And so mine had like a pivot, like mine had a pause to like, Alright, you can reposition yourself, which I did. But for you, you took a roll leap of faith of, Hey, I do have a career, I have a chemistry degree, I have a solid business career. And you really just took that leap of faith into something unknown, and your curiosity toward that and your desire to learn more about it and become an expert in it is really admirable. So that's pretty cool. Really cool. So your original plans, oh, and I ended up being a chemistry teacher, but I haven't had my notes here. You You wanted to be a doctor?
Betsy Muller:Well, I, I, I was always really good. In school, I got the straight A's, I was an honor student, you know, and when you're good at everything, even chemistry and physics, they're like, well, you should just major in that because you're good at it. And so I you know, that's my dad really wanted me to be a doctor. I'm like, okay, so I went to college, I was really good at chemistry. And the longer I was there, it's like, you know, I just can't go into this medical stuff, because all I could see was blood and drugs. And those two things were not my thing. On the other hand, I did take business classes in college, and I loved it. I took sociology, I mean, I was at a liberal arts major. So I expose myself to a lot of things, and I always loved the arts. You know, and, and so I thought, well, I'll use this chemistry degree, I'll go into sales or something. But I ended up being a research chemist for a while when I got out of school, that wasn't really what I thought it was going to do. But it gave me a an end to get my MBA. And then, you know, I did all these like corporate business kind of jobs. The thing is, when I look back, what really drove everything, I think, toward where we are right now is I always had this love fitness and health. I was really a health nut my whole life, because I understood that you couldn't get much done unless you were really healthy. And I loved working out I was a student athlete and I ran track and, you know, I continued doing track and running and, you know, aerobics and things like that, even when I got out of college because it kept me in balance. Maybe life balance was was really that's again, a theme of my whole life. How do you have a successful life And make it all work without, like getting sick. And because I saw people dropping around me in the corporate world, and so I think that's what really was the driving force that brought me from that woman who studied chemistry and, and, and thought she was going to be a doctor to where I am today because it, it's the same thing. And you know, I would say for any woman who's wondering, am I doing the right thing? Take, take a step back and say, What do you really love to read about? Right? You know, like, which part of the paper or which part of articles or which part of you know, what kind of podcasts? Are you listening to like, what gets your attention, like, because that's always got my attention, it still does. I love raving about health and actually advice columns. It's loved advice columns. And now, here I am coaching people and helping them through their deepest, darkest, horrible secrets. And comes natural. Yeah.
Jennifer Malcolm:And I love that because you're what you're saying is there, there's going to be an affinity towards something. And doesn't mean that hey, I like advice columns, doesn't mean you're going to go write an advice column, but you're using the same types of skills and coaching, to facilitate to help to groom and I wanted to go back on your your chemistry and your journey in college, because now I have two college aged children. And my daughter's I notice is not going to be released today. But today, my daughter turned 18. So I have two adult children now. And, and the mystery of like, you know, you think you're going into college for one thing, she wants to be an equine vet. And I said, you don't you're gonna get exposed to so many new things that you've never experienced before. And just be open. Like, if you want to be a horse vet, go for it. The world you know, like the world's you're yours to do. But also don't get bogged down, like be open to what are the things that you gravitate toward. And she hates all chemistry though. Organic Chemistry is killing her.
Betsy Muller:And I don't I don't think I really liked it. But I was good. I could get A's in it. So you know, but that's not the reason to do it. You know, there are a lot of I was good at everything. That's always been kind of my curse, because I've got to boil it down. Okay, you're good at it. Right? But people take advantage of you being good at things, right? And what comes easily for you that you enjoy. That's never working. That's just like having fun your whole life. And what I'm doing now does not feel like work very often. Awesome. No, hardly ever. settable technology sometimes gets
Jennifer Malcolm:technologies, we'll get to all of us, I think at some point, especially with the overload with a pandemic, and everyone's doing. But that's a great advice. Because I my, my dad was growing up always taught us, you know, if you're good at things, you still have to give up good things for the best things. So the things that really drive your passion, your hurt that makes you come alive. When it's not like this women's movement that we've started. It is not work. It is like full passion, full joy. Yes, there's a lot of logistics, yes, it's a lot of time. But I it It feeds my soul. And it's it's coming out of my pores in a way that I never knew could be possible. And yes, it's work. But it doesn't feel like work. So that's I want to make that point to our listeners to make sure that if you're not passionate about it, maybe there's something that can you can step into to fulfill that passion within your heart. So we're going to go fast forward a few years ago, because I was sharing with Betsy before we started recording I am 85% way through her latest book, but you went through a real traumatic experience and really pivoted for a long season. your life and your family's lives. So would you like to share a little bit about that story?
Betsy Muller:Okay. It was a hard year. It was already a hard year for me 2017. I had to have ankle surgery that year. So you read about in my book, I had to shut my business down for the most part because I was going to be not able to walk for four months. I really got an education about what it's like to be handicapped and my husband took care of me. And we managed it was hard. And I was just getting back on my feet. And we decided to take a little vacation. We went to Michigan. And while we are on this vacation on third day of vacation, my husband went out running in the morning and he didn't come back and turned out that he had had a cardiac arrest. Away from the place we were staying and he was found by a stranger and given CPR and they called 911 and he was pretty much dead when the squad came but they gave him five or six shots who brought him back And as john doe, he was taken to a hospital, I eventually, you know, got in touch with the police and reported him missing because he did come back and was told that they thought he was the he was at this emergency room. And you know, here I was, I didn't even have a car, I did have friends that got us to the hospital. And from there, it just got worse. It was probably one of the most traumatic days of my entire life I, I'd always worked with trauma through my clients, but I had never had this big t thing where your whole body just goes, really like. Like, it's it's shock, I felt physical shock by the time I got to the hospital. And I was able to see my husband, and there was blood and he was intubated. And then I was told that he had no brain activity by the doctor. You know, but then the doctor said, Well, you know, we'll put them into a coma and see what happens. But that day was a lot of stuff all at once they hit me and it was horrible. And soon I realized that when somebody is in ICU, it's weeks before, you can even think about moving that person. So I had to shut everything down in my business, I had to rally help to keep things going back at home, we had pets back at home and lawn that needed cutting, and yet somehow get my kids they're with us and make a lot of decisions on behalf of a very, very sick guy who was close to death. So it there's a definition of of trauma that I give all my clients and my students I use the the letters I can acronym you didn't you di n u is for an unexpected. D is for drama or death is for isolation feeling alone. And N stands for no plan. I had all the you didn't.
Jennifer Malcolm:I feel like I'd rather not experience it.
Betsy Muller:So if anybody wants to know have I ever been traumatized? See if you get you know, if the union shows up, and actually the pandemic right now is a great example of union. It's just more like prolong trauma. So you know, it can be really cute, like one second one minute of horrible news, or it can be something that kind of continues. But like, yeah, and then
Jennifer Malcolm:that's no, that's good, too, as your time at the union and that pandemic, because I know, that is on the forefront of all of our listeners, that it's their day to day reality. And so many things that are that are planned weddings that have been planned anniversary parties have been planned dreams that have been planned trips have been planned vacations, and to have that just taken away, or, you know, hurry up and stop. And, and I know through, you know, the our circle of friends and family, that the added layer of stress and homeschooling and you know, to income families and now you you don't know what to do with, you know, little ones around and having to teach like, that is trauma and a and you are the first person I've heard use that word about the pandemic. And I think it's really useful to say like, this is something that we're grieving or struggling, we're, we're, you know, use the union to say that so that's really powerful. So back back in Michigan,
Betsy Muller:so back in Michigan, well, I guess, you know, it was it was soon very evident that it was a long haul experience. Um, but I guess I give myself credit in the book shares a day by day of what happened as you know, you read the book is upset as I was that first day, I did come back to what I know always works. I used Emotional Freedom Techniques. I prayed. I got outdoors and took walks whenever I had a chance. I connected to myself through writing and also sharing on social media sharing the story, so that I could ask for prayers from people. What I found day after day, if I did that, if I showed up and walked in my face, and took care of myself to do do my job of calming my body down. I could be peaceful. I think back to those days. I mean, there was a lot of crap swirling around me but I was in the eye of the hurricane, which is the present moment. I'm in my body. I could watch it swirling around it was almost as if I was observing myself sometimes. But you know, I like people even say to me now they're like you are so call me. You know, you're so articulate. You told the doctor exactly what you need. Now you asked her what you needed. I mean, but I I guess it was almost like I followed my own Advice. And I had lots of great support would just show up, right? Which again, when you're calm, when you get clear, I think you can attract what you need. And that's the lesson about manifesting about making life. I guess aligning yourself with what life is, and being okay with it. I just calm down. I'm like, Oh, I kept telling myself every day I get mad at God every day. So I pray, of course, I go outside somewhere, and I do my little tapping routine. And then I'd have a talk with with God. And some days, I was, I would, I would cry, and I would yell and I would tap. Yeah. While I'm praying now. And then this comma come in, and I'm like, crawl. Okay, so this is the plan. Yeah, help me. So, you know, I guess it was, it was really interesting. It was magical, because then I'd ask for things. I'm like, Well, if we could do this, it'd be really nice. And then I kind of say, okay, God, you know what you're doing, I'll get out of the way, just take care of us. And I would get on with my day and, and it would be pretty good until some doctor said some horrible thing to me and then go yell at God again for a while. Yeah, that's
Jennifer Malcolm:real. And I think that's a part of the book that I really appreciated. Because you didn't sugarcoat in the book, your emotions. You didn't ever quote in the book, the struggles physically, mentally that George was going through how it was to be a caregiver, to your husband. And the fear is that you face like, you, you didn't sugarcoat it. And I really appreciated the rawness of it, and the realness of, you know, you're, you're scared, you're really scared, and you're reaching out to your community, you're reaching out to your son and daughter, you're reaching out to people to support. But you know, there's an added layer of stress when you're, I don't know how many hours away You were from home, but you're out of state, like you're not even sleeping in your own bed. You're not having the community around you, you know when you can do that. And I was I was very, it was very admirable, the way that you were very just raw and real in your sharing of your story.
Betsy Muller:Yeah, thanks. And you know, even when everything calmed down, and I guess I should say, for those that haven't read the book, my husband made a miraculous recovery. He even went back to coaching the Strongsville lacrosse team and, and, you know, Drake drives and he does everything, he still does stupid husband, things. Don't. Y'all came back to me, in spite of all the odds that said, we were, you know, he was like an infant in a diaper for a long time. And that was really hard to see. But there was always this like, I always had a sense, he was coming back even when the doctors didn't see it. I could see like gradual things every day. It was very curious how it all played out.
Jennifer Malcolm:And just the trauma of the experience. And when I was reading your book, I and I am not going to remotely say my situation is like yours. But Chad, my husband came in from outdoors several weeks ago, probably about a month ago now. And we had been outside with a neighbor. And he was talking to me, and he just like, did this, like, trust fall in our head? And I was like, What? Oh, that's and so I thought he was joking. Whenever I was like, No, he totally passed out. And so then he got up and then he stumbled. He went around the table. He stumbled again, he hit his face on the ground. Whoa, and we call 911. And then I'm reading your book going, Okay. Okay. But he was immediately awake both times coherence, Cognizant, responsive, newest date, but it's scary. I like that
Betsy Muller:was George had that happen a couple times, and diagnose me saying, you know, and I still wonder. I mean, yeah. And I,
Jennifer Malcolm:I am on him all the time of you know, how are you doing? Are you hydrated, you know, and he's not he's been incident free since he hasn't even had a trigger. But the the preliminary part of your book, I was like, This is hitting too close to home. And I'll probably hate them even talking about it on the podcast, but it is trapped. It's traumatic. And I was so scared in that moment. So I can't imagine like, walking into a hospital room seeing your best friend, your husband, your lover. They're intubated. And and in a coma that you can't even correspond or talk or, you know, you can touch him and you can you can send him your messages. Remember, you were telling him, you know, talking
Betsy Muller:telepathically talk, that means so many, so many weeks and weeks that we you know, no texts and no phone calls, you know, and they're not, like, just hearing their voice. Um, but they're still there. You know, and it was that was hard because he was like my best friend. He still it is right. Absolutely. Talk to
Jennifer Malcolm:That's the thing like we take for granted like, you know, Chad goes to BWI to teach. And, you know, he texts me when he gets there, he texts me when he's done, we text throughout the day, like we're not together. And just that piece that, you know, it's almost like you're going grieving, going through a death because you're not getting the communication yet, you know, physically alive. Yeah, that had to have been like this rack, you know, roller coaster emotions
Betsy Muller:And be living a single life for three or four months for us to you know, because George was institutionalized for a long time. So you know, I came home to an empty house and empty bed. That was, you know, and then going back and forth to the rehab facilities every day, it hurt me, you know, it hurt my business, it stopped my business, but you know, he was my priority. And even when he got better, I had this driving need to get the book done. I thought, you know what other people need to know how to get through a rough thing. And also, I think brain injury being so unusual and so weird. Like it, I had read a book about somebody who recovered from a brain injury, a wife's book, you know, and that had helped me so much. And I thought, we need more books about people getting over brain injury for the sake of those that are going to be walking this path in the future, because the medical community's very negative, and you got to, you got to have faith, you got to have something to at least give you the possibility,
Jennifer Malcolm:and the hope. And so like your book, and the book that you were able to read, you know, it's that light in the darkness, it's something that's like, you know, what I'm going to I am going to the power of a testimony, I'm going to do attach to a positive outcome. For you know, whoever that reader of your book will be walking through that. And to bring hope and a love that piece that your book is going to be a beacon of hope for people that are walking through the Brain, Brain or traumatic brain injuries to so did this experience, change your your view, deepen your view, challenge your view, and trauma healing? Or, because you're now walking through what you coach and you teach, and you help other people through? But how did it change or not change for you on those two topics,
Betsy Muller:I think it just helped me recognize how complex trauma is, um, I think I was very fortunate, because my childhood was a very, I guess, loving, easy kind of childhood. I know from a lot of the clients that I work with, you know, if they've had childhood trauma, their current experience of trauma as adults is worse, because that childhood trauma kind of sets them up to be less resilient to future trauma. And there's a lot of studies that back that up, there's something called the adverse adverse childhood events, study that was done by Kaiser in the CDC, and, you know, I teach my, my practitioner clients about that, you know, we need to be aware, all of us that trauma exists, I think trauma informed care for anybody, whether you're a teacher, whether you're a coach, whether you're a speaker, even, you know, you find that some of the people we have the most difficulty getting along with have been traumatized. And that's why they're behaving the way they behave. Right, even, you know, some of our difficult clients, sometimes some of our difficult people that, you know, we serve even, you know, I'm fortunate that I have this experience understanding trauma, because if you can calm someone down, everybody can win. And, and, and you can permanently kind of change the brain to with Emotional Freedom Techniques for past long term traumas, which I think is pretty neat, you can rewrite the neural pathways, and help people create new stories that kind of take precedence in the brain.
Jennifer Malcolm:So that people don't automatically get their, you know, get triggered into a traumatic response. Right. And that's powerful. Because what I was jotting down is there has to be a deeper level of even empathy that you're now able to offer through your experience to your clients that it that gives it just that little bit of sweetness that cherry on the top that and you're very empathetic, because I've done work with you before. I know you are very empathetic in in when you're when you're working with clients, but having that just a little bit of deeper understanding of something that really is a trauma and and that that Alliance or that bridge of empathy. I'm sure it helps a little bit. So the other piece that we've been talking on this podcast and for women is just those trauma triggers and what is it from Something in our past something from a divorce something from a rape something from sexual abuse something from, you know, something that's happened in our past that that we we have every action emotional reaction that's in a situation I might react in anger towards something that wasn't warranted. But it's hitting a trigger, what are some some techniques for our audience because, you know, you probably won't be able to see all of those that are going to be listening to this. But what are some simple techniques that I know that the tapping and this the stuff that can calm you down, I know there's breath therapy, but what are some quick tools that you might be able to offer to our listeners,
Betsy Muller:quick tools. So getting grounded is a principle I would say that everybody needs to understand at some basic level. To me, it can be as simple as sitting in your chair sitting tall with your feet flat on the ground. And take a moment to take a nice deep breath in through your nose. And then you exhale, a nice long exhale, I use it like, like I'm blowing out a candle, exhale, like to make that exhale extra long. And sometimes if you exhale as you close your eyes and feel yourself sink down into your heart. So imagine that there's a little ball of energy appear in your head, which there usually is a coat down. But you know, really feeling yourself sink down, you think of your heart is your center. And even sometimes it helps just knock on your heart to remind yourself that this is where your, your brilliance and your intelligent really lit. Intelligence really lives, they're not up in your head. So closing the eyes sometimes can be helpful to get that energy down into the heart. So the I call it the straw breath, or the blowing out the candle breath, that's a really good one. Grounding is a principle, you can ground by touching your dog or cat to or looking out the window at a tree. You know, it's a reminder to be present in that you're a present, being on planet earth that instead of getting into the past or the future, you know, get yourself in the present moment, tapping the points, you know, I'm thinking about what is there a point that I would have someone tap on if I could teach one point. Oftentimes I have people put the hand on their heart and they tap this point between the knuckles of the ring finger and the little finger. Point is called the gamut point. And it's the energy meridian that controls our fight or flight response. So it can be helpful point just to know Yeah, yeah. It's not an EFT point is actually an extra kind of intervention point. But it works nicely. I also suggest in today's world moving, like stretching, stretching, is really good. You know, make your shoulders go up. And, you know, like, embody the whole term embodiment, you know, really feel yourself in your body, get out of your chair, you know, even make your eyes roll around. Just Yes, just be a physical being. Because a lot of this computer stuff these days takes us out of our physical realm a bit. And we need to, you know, get up and walk get outside nature. So important. And so I guess those are a couple,
Jennifer Malcolm:I love it. And part of it is like how amazing and the more and more I'm studying and interviewing different women on the podcast, doing my own work, how much our body can heal itself and how much power is within us. And if you, you work on just your breath alone, if you get outside, if you stretch, if you are present, if you're grounded, how much of that you can self heal, or at least position yourself in a better mental space. And it's all free breath. You know,
Betsy Muller:I guess my bottom line that I always say is when you calm down, you will make the very best decisions. And when you calm down you'll eat healthier. When you calm down. You'll you'll know a yes from a no I that's one of the things I'm always teaching clients. How do you know Yes, what does he yes feel like to know that? Yeah, it comes from here. It's good. For me it's like this little line that goes up to my head and back down. That you know you can even manage your portfolio with this stuff. That's good. That's so good. Do I know because I do.
Jennifer Malcolm:You do it teach you love it. So going back to your story with George because I know faith in your marriage alone and then faith in God are two really core values of yours that you've walked your best friends there. How did that help you do it? We were doing this or was it really that plumb line that kept you your eyes set on the end goal? Yeah, I
Betsy Muller:There was there was never any question. I mean, no matter what happened, I was going to love him. forever. And when we always love each other, we had a really strong marriage. Last thing, and we've been together 41 years. Like, yeah, I know, most of my life and also till death do us part. And I really think that souls that love each other go beyond death. I mean, it's, it was not a question. Ithink one of the interesting thing so about his whole experience is that we always kind of had our own little circles of friends and where we behaved and where we, you know, yeah, you know, it's, I think, the Venn diagram, you know, where two people come together, and there's this little area where they merge in ours was really strong. But you know, he, he worked for the Cleveland Browns, he was a high school coach, he had all these athlete friends everywhere, you know, his lacrosse buddies and his football buddies and his players, and this man's world, you know, that I really didn't want anything to do with her. But when he got sick, you know, suddenly, I got to meet those people. And they were really cool, really cool. And they stepped up to support us and pray for us and buy our book when it came out. They were just like, you know, they weren't such big old jacks, they weren't. And at the same time, you know, my friends got to know this wonderful, gentle athlete that I was married, and what a good guy he was. So I think that was one of the blessings that came out of, but because we live, we operated in two very different worlds. And now our worlds had a chance to merge and see one another, you know,
Jennifer Malcolm:That's a gift because you you shared a few stories in your book of the guy sitting on your, on your, your surprise for George, and he's sitting on your porch, and he's got his cowboy hat on and, and, and just that, that you're, you're seeing them laugh, you seeing Georgia and his friends hug you hearing the stories of times that he was away from you that you know, you said I used to resent those times, I didn't understand it. I didn't understand this guy, world and friends, but how important it was just in community and friendship and giving back to you and George, spending time with you giving you relief to be able to exercise, get into work, do some stuff, and what a gift that those two worlds really overlapped each other. And now, a healthier or a different marriage that you probably never would have known or experienced had that happen. Yeah, I love I love finding the gifts in trauma and hurt because there are gifts that have been there, there's gifts, there's things that we learned through it, we heal through it, we get experiences in it. And that one was a resounding thread throughout your book of the friends that you were able to meet that George had without you. So as you continue now, the the, your you've written your book George's in full recovery, he's back coaching, and you're able to pivot, you know, back into your work with women, your work with your patients. How is that? You know, the stories that you're able to, to share without, you know, breaking HIPAA or any of that the work that you do currently? And is it the same that you were doing before? Is it different than the work before you were before George's accident?
Betsy Muller:Um, you know, in some ways, it's very similar, because I do see private clients, I've have actually teamed up with a local therapist to to do some groups with women. And I guess, you know, I will say, most recently, the words that come out of people's mouths more often are the words anxiety that comes out that, you know, I don't diagnose it, but that's what people say they're dealing with insomnia. And I think what I'm also hearing is people with complex medical stuff that has an origin with a lot of trauma throughout their life. Whether it started when childhood or medical issues actually be coming, a long term emotional trauma, because they've been traumatized in the medical system in some way, like a bad diagnosis and unnecessary surgery or a complication that's come out of surgery in a medical team that wasn't very supportive, at a time when maybe that person also didn't have other kinds of support. I also see a lot of trauma around divorce, and breakups and death. I mean, here I am, I'm in my 60s now and so a lot of people in my, I guess, in my world are losing parents. Possibly losing spouses, even you know, and that that That's, that's part of the reality that I think we all have to get more comfortable with. That isn't real pleasant to talk about, but we're all gonna die. Right? And I think that piece of trauma, because I am a firm believer that our emotional well being affects our physical body, oh, yes, is the body does not lie there, you know, there are a lot of books and papers written about the body holds the trauma, and if you haven't processed it, it's, it's gonna do something,
Jennifer Malcolm:Right. And you know, even you know, unforgiveness and back issues or, you know, like, just, you know, just stress and joint pain and, and how your body will will be telling you shout your body shouting out to you help, I need help. And because you're you have trauma of some sort, and you're not dealing with it. And I think that's the beautiful work that you offer with your clients is through the healing trauma, you're also healing your body. And so it's that two and two and one type combo, where most people will like, I'm going to go into a physical doctor to to work on my physical pain.
Betsy Muller:Well, I would always tell them to go to the doctor to Now what I do is not a substitute for traditional medicine. And that's one of the first intake questions I'm going to ask, Well, you know, where else are you getting health care, this is a, this is an add on, this is a way to make everything else work better, but don't give up on absolute traditional, absolutely. And, and
Jennifer Malcolm:To the point though, like, some people will address the physical but never address the emotional. And you're saying I'm going to address the emotional go to the physical so and, and through the work. I know, people who have had significant healing, physical healing, when they deal with traumatic issues, right.
Betsy Muller:And actually, sometimes mental health interventions can be highly traumatic, because, you know, people have to tell their stories over and over and over again, and traditional mental health isn't addressing the physical part of it either. You know, I'm not a Board Certified mental health person, but I'm giving clients away and process, the mental and the physical together. And that's why I'm so excited to be able to train mental health practitioners I can, I can do see education for nurses and therapists, social workers, and chemical dependency counselors, I can I can give them lots of credits, and they have to do it anyway. So and, and they're like, blown away how well this works. So though it changes the way they practice, when people get better, faster. And that's one of the threats that using Emotional Freedom Techniques can be for the traditional mental health. I guess the way it's always been, because the data shows people get better, faster, being processed faster. Yeah.
Jennifer Malcolm:I have a logistical question when people come to see you, is that usually like, I want to see you once, twice, three times. And then you know, I work through my trauma and I'm done, or is it kind of a, I'm going to continue to come to you to continue to process and seal the good work going on?
Betsy Muller:That's, that's a good question. I've found that the best way for me to help people where I start, every new client is a four session package, just four sessions once a week for a month, it gives me a chance to figure out how they're processing things. Also, a lot of times what comes up on the phone, the form at the beginning isn't really what's going on, because they've got to trust you to tell you what's really going on. So usually by the second session, we're making some sort of progress. By the third session, we're really making progress. And by the fourth session, they're empowered to do a lot of the work on their own. Those are the kind of clients I'm looking for. I want to coachable clients, I don't want mentally ill people. That's not my bailiwick. Okay. And, and then it's about honesty, at the end of four sessions. If someone's still I know that they need help processing some things that they're making progress, but they're not quite independent yet. I'll be honest with them, I'll say I think you can benefit from more sessions, but maybe, but we go every other week. Now. Maybe we go once a month. And then the other possibility is they're really feeling pretty good, but they want to hang out with other people that do tapping and who are care about personal growth and maybe they just need some new friends, because they're old friends weren't quite doing it for them so they can in they can be in my group programs. I've booked discussion groups, I have tapping groups, I have a free tapping group every Monday. You know, I I try to end them the Indigo connection group which is a networking group for women that are always searching For more, so everything's on zoom right now, I was actually doing a lot of zoom for my client work before all this happens. So now I got really good at zoom. I'm a certified virtual educator, too. That's awesome. Did you know you could be that?
Jennifer Malcolm:I had no clue. And that's why my next question was going to say, because I know that you do retreats with women in the past pre pandemic, but you know, offsite retreats you've done around. So what type of woman would gravitate toward that? What are they interested in? What's the focus of that group?
Betsy Muller:Well, usually that woman loves the outdoors. You know, she's a passionate reader. She doesn't have to be any particular religion or belief system, but she's got to be fairly open minded. And she's gonna be like, I want to have more fun. I'd like to meet some nice people. You know, it's funny, because I attract people who are in recovery, so they don't drink at all, some people drink. I mean, some people are, they, my circles tend to be between 40 and 70 in age. But I'm starting to get some younger ones coming in, which is really neat to me, because my own kids are millennials, they really need what I'm doing. And I think I'm growing in a way that I think I can serve them better than I have been. So the all these online tools, they're all about that. And you know, my, my recent students were just so good, are so proficient, I don't have to, you know, the older ladies, they have some trouble sometimes with the zoom, and I like these younger ones, they can come right out and they know what to do.
Jennifer Malcolm:That's awesome. And I think that's fine. Because you are so use your fingers in so many different elements to help women help people. And but they're very, they can be very niche to so your your book club, you have your tapping, you have your Indigo connection, you have these things. So it, but there's a common thread of people who are open, people who want to have fun.
Betsy Muller:They value health, they value, they know that that life's better when you connect with other people. And they're going it alone. A lot of them are highly sensitive. And I would say, and that's a quality that can make them miserable. But it can also be a gift when you realize how to utilize it.
Jennifer Malcolm:So as we're going through the pandemic, and you're realizing you're, you know, you're seeing some consistent people dealing with anxiety, dealing with insomnia. What are some other ways that maybe a friend like how could I help a friend, I'm not a practitioner, I'm not going to, you know, help them go through EFT or tapping. But what are some ways that as friends, as women, we can better support each other? And really, like give that community aspect of love support unconditional love? Without walking them through therapy? We're not that's not what we're qualified for. But what are some good tips that you might encourage our listeners to be able to do to their family and friends?
Betsy Muller:Yeah, you know, we were talking about just helping people find out who they are, you know, um, there's an exercise I'm giving a group this week, and I'll just share it with you. Because I think it's a brilliant exercise, you know, to to go to somebody you trust a spouse or a best friend and ask that person, when do you experience me most alive and most filled with joy? That's something you know, when do you experience what am I doing when you experience me? Full of most of who I am. You know, I think sometimes we miss it. Or we have a sense of what it is. And to have somebody else tell you, it can be such a gift. I know right now, you know, life seems kind of constrained for everybody. So how, you know, how do we keep living and have the best experience? Well, we got to get out if we're really feeling down. I say own the feeling. Go around stomping and swearing and own the feeling make noise, right? A lot of times us ladies don't make a noise when something's really bothering us. So use your favorite swear word and just go around the house. Or I was teaching women to just make a sound. Yeah, that feeling. Find the sound for that feeling and go around make that sound. Yeah. No. And once you once you get it out, I mean, it's, it's about expressing it and then you can get to that place of starting to reach for where's the gratitude? Where are the possibilities? I love journaling. I've always been a big advocate of journaling and writing. You know, reaching out to somebody else and even you pausing once you get yourself settled down to ask what would be easy for me to do to help somebody else, you know, make a phone call, you know, reach out to somebody, you know, send somebody a little package. If you're cleaning out your closet, maybe you've got a bunch of things that someone else would like mail them to them and somebody else. I just sent packages, all my students, and they were like, so excited that I sent them a package. I couldn't see them. You know, I, I'm used to schlepping all this stuff to seminars. And now I thought, well, I could still go to the post office and mail and something after the seminar. Those are not, you know, it's not just about us, we got to find a way to be of service and then then we feel good. Right?
Jennifer Malcolm:And I think that's an easy activation, a simple act of kindness, whether that's a card, handwritten card, a gift at Amazon, it says set it up so easily with care packages and things you can do personalize the note, but then sense of keeping community and I see you, you're important to me, you're about
Betsy Muller:It brings me back to when you know, when I was in my hardest times with George to you know, it seemed like the people that really helped me the most for people that have been through a medical trauma before with their family, they kind of knew what we were going through. And those people would send me gift cards for, you know, takeout or coffee. And they would you know, they would come and just do nice gestures are offered to take me out at the end of a long day. I don't you know, I think sometimes if you've been through it, you're you're much better at it now, because I also remember being highly disappointed by people that I thought were my good friends who didn't do anything. Oh, what's that about? Yeah, you know, I guess it's different for everybody.
Jennifer Malcolm:What are your concerns, as well as now, October? This will probably come out in November on a podcast, what are your concerns? For it's going to be getting colder. And so as Ohioans are going to be indoors, and it's going to be getting darker sooner. So you know, I am so grateful that the pandemic happened in the spring and summer, where we were still able to take chairs and sit outside and go for walks but what would be some things to say, you know, if people are already dealing with depression or anxiety or that stuff, it's it's gonna get colder is gonna get darker. So my advice there?
Betsy Muller:Yeah, so I would say don't stop going outside even if it is colder and darker. You know, I got these things for my shoes that like, I don't know, they keep you from slipping. What are they call, they're these little things you put on the bottom of your shoe. Some sort some name. I can't think of it right now. The other thing that when I had the ankle surgery, I had that in winter and I couldn't go out or do anything for months and you know, I'm a fitness Christ person I workout like an hour every day, but I couldn't during that I did this five minute energy routine that comes from Donna Eaton energy medicine. And I tell you what, that works really well on my emotional side and keeping me up in winter without exercise so I can send you a link that I agree with the audience. But I love that routine. I have a video of me doing it actually when I was on crutches because I couldn't even stand up and I could still do it. So it's a good routine for people that are recovering from something
Jennifer Malcolm:I do and the more tools and tips that I can provide you know through our speakers to help us through a pandemic because it's still continuing but be as as it's gonna be getting colder and and darker soon. Just some things that just keep you know, gifts. I mean, everyone loves mail everyone loves going to get a card in the mail or a package on the front porch That's unexpected, nor did I by type scenario and I think those those random cat acts of kindness moving your body, even in the cold winter is essential.
Betsy Muller:So dog, dogs are great. I got it. Well I have a therapy dog now that she's just so much fun and we travel with her and we walk a lot because of this little dog because she's Border Collie. She's really, really active.
Jennifer Malcolm:We have a we have a dog too well I didn't have a dog prior to marrying Chad, he and he inherited three teenagers for me. I inherited the dog with him. And I was not certain like there was like this like much of a as an adult. I've never had a dog we did grow up with him we were little and he is one of the big this dog you're gonna have a dog and he's be loved and needs to be played with it needs to be on your lap and needs to be a walk and he walks the dog three to four times a day and during three and seven miles and depending on you know what what our plan and scope is for the day but it's desperate, it brings you a different get you out of your head. Yeah, the dog is so responsive. And it's she Brooklyn is beautiful and fun to play with and annoying at other times, but aren't we all some of the family? So as we finish up this episode, what would be some closing remarks that you really want to impart to our listeners to, you know, women who might be struggling with either trauma, mental health, overcoming a medical trauma, like, you know, as a caregiver, you know, there's a lot of my friends who are caregivers for their parents now, and it is stressful, and it is taxing, it is overwhelming, and it is constant. But what are some words of encouragement that you could provide our audience in closing,
Betsy Muller:So I would say have hope, love and accept yourself whenever you have a chance. And I know that sounds hard. But if you tap and actually say it, you start believing it after a while, I would invite anyone I do a free group every Monday, it's called our tapping for calm clarity during COVID. Every Monday at one o'clock eastern time, it's a half hour, it's people from all over the world. And we get together on zoom and, and we tap for whatever feels right that day, sometimes we're doing distance healing, with the tapping for, for a situation, just send in love to somebody needs it. And some days, we're laughing and tapping some days, we're crying, or we're helping one of the people that shows up on the call with something. So that's always there. And you can learn I have a you know, on my website, I have a mini course to teach you about tapping and the science of tapping and why it's really good for anybody who's got burnout, or you know, long term, we're all going through a long term yucky thing. So you know, express your emotions, feel them be present to what's there. Don't, don't try to run away from it, feel it? Go around the house wearing like I said before, right?
Jennifer Malcolm:I'm gonna tell it to Chad later, he's like, did you do a zoom call, and now you have Tourette's or something like,
Betsy Muller:It's just women are so nice. Most of the time, we don't say that filthy stuff that's running around in our head. And we really need to get it out. Because otherwise it's going to cause some sort of problem in our body. Really well, you know, enough of being nice. We can be nice. Yeah.
Jennifer Malcolm:And I recent one of the women that I did a podcast earlier this year with, you know, she just she used the visual, she's like women to have a cork like right here. And we don't think we should, we should say the things that we suppress it and we keep our mouth shut. But inside, we're festering, we're so angry or livid or hurt. And we have to unleash that cork, to use our voice. And I love that you said make a sound, swear do something to get that out of your body. And even with childhood trauma, if there was really childhood trauma, a lot of times to express that and work with it, you use non verbal, because the something that happened to a small child, even before the age of seven, they were not articulate enough to express it. Yeah, I've done some work, where, ou know, I've been coached, like just let it out, like a girl o a roar or whatever. And I'm ike, that is so weird. I'm like I don't do that. And it took e like, years, like, I was like, I can cry, I can yell, I can punch. But there was some hing that locks down the wom n's voices. And it is powerful So I love that you weren't, e brought a lot of attention.
Betsy Muller:And think about you've got your heart and you've got your divine connection, which I believe comes into your crown. If we have a clog in the system here between that and that. Yeah, oh my goodness, you know, we can't be the full expression of our, our holy, right, Divine Self, you're on Earth, we know.
Jennifer Malcolm:And for those of you who are listening, Betsy had her hand on one or one hand on top of her head, one on our heart, and we're looking at the clog in our throat. And so just to visualize if that clog is there. Yeah, that's, that's something so I'm lacking your voice, unlocking your truth, unlocking your pain, unlocking your frustration. And that's good, because guys do it all the time. And they blow up, blow off steam, magnifying too much? Too much, but women, you know, for the most part, not enough. And I think that's really important. So what we're gonna wrap up, and I really, really appreciate your time today. It's so good to see your face. She has this beautiful garden behind her. And it just looks serene and beautiful. So, Betsy, I'm really honored that you're here today and that you're my friend and colleague. And you've been a part of my life for about a decade now and I'm very blessed for you.
Betsy Muller:Well, I wish you great success with the podcast and everything you're doing. Thanks again for including me.
Jennifer Malcolm:Thank you. You're so welcome. So this wraps up this episode where everyone woman has a story and every story matters. And that means you. So I'd love to get some of your takeaways from this about unleashing your voice, getting outside moving your body tapping. We will also give information about how to get ahold of Betsy how to get ahold of the Monday tapping program, her books and some of that as well. So stay tuned, and I can't wait to hear from you guys, very soon. All right, bye. Bye. Thank you for listening to the Jennasis Speaks podcast. If you love the show, one of the best things you can do is to share it with a friend. Tell them what you like about it, how it inspires you and invite them to listen. Subscribe to the Jennasis Movement to empower women's voices and reclaim the power over your own narrative.