Jennifer Malcolm begins Season 2 by continuing to share about her past. Jennifer adopted a perfectionist mentality at a young age and grappled with it throughout her teenage years and early adulthood. She is passionate about empowering women to unleash the warrior within, and she continues to be transparent about her journey. If you are inspired by Jennifer’s work, she wants you to know that she has traveled a difficult path. She truly believes that life gives us all second chances and that beauty can rise from ashes.
Jennifer Malcolm begins Season 2 by continuing to share about her past. Jennifer adopted a perfectionist mentality at a young age and grappled with it throughout her teenage years and early adulthood. She is passionate about empowering women to unleash the warrior within, and she continues to be transparent about her journey. If you are inspired by Jennifer’s work, she wants you to know that she has traveled a difficult path. She truly believes that life gives us all second chances and that beauty can rise from ashes.
Calling on women who are curious and called to be women warriors arising in this day of age, to heal and grow together. I am your host, Jennifer Malcolm, self made entrepreneur, women advocate and life balance expert. Welcome back to season two of Jennasis Speaks podcast The Transformative Power of Women's Stories where every woman has a story. And every story matters. And yes, yes, yes, that means you. I am excited to be back from holidays and from our travels with our kids, and just some time away, and it's a fresh year with fresh start, and 2021 here we come. We have literally survived 2020 and our eyes and our hearts and our arms are wide, wide, wide open for 2021. Take a minute to breathe, to listen. Put your hand on your heart. Steady your feet, we are embracing 2021 and all the goodness, all the purpose, all the transformation, all the glory. All the voices are arising to be to heal, to grow, to laugh, to cry, to explore, to imagine, to evolve. 2021 is a brand new start. And ladies, it's time to rock and roll. I'm excited as we enter 2021 that for me it's a personal milestone Jennasis and Associates is now entering its 10th year anniversary. I have survived 10 years as an entrepreneur. I have survived COVID I have survived trends and ups and downs through the years. And I'm excited and so excited to just hit Ctrl Alt Delete, get a clean piece of paper for 21 fresh start fresh finances for my business, fresh beginnings. Fresh joy, rest, space healing. Empowerment. Can you tell them excited? Today I'm going to start talking with season two, we're going to do Season Two a little bit differently. And I'm going to share more of my stories and some have some other guest speakers that might be on one topic that we ping pong back together and have a dialogue around. I will still be doing interviews of powerful women's stories. So excited about the ones this month we have Laura Geideman, who I've known since childhood friend, Sarah Chahy from Jennasis and Associates, and a few others that have been recorded Elizabeth Hanna. So I'm excited. Because as we recorded these podcasts, hearing different stories, overcoming dreams being shared, ideas being explored. Realizing that when doors close or are closing, other ones open. And when it rains, we put up on our umbrella. We put on our boots, we can splash and sing in the puddles and the sun comes out. And with it comes spring and the dawning of a new day and the flowers open and the birds sing. And the buds come out. And newness begins. Can you feel it? Do you believe it? Can you hear the excitement in my voice? 2020 was an amazingly tough year and an amazingly healing year. it resets and reshaped myself and my family my business in so many ways. Some things I'd rather do without other things were birthed. family memories, nights of playing cards. The Birth of Jennasis Speaks or the rebirth of Jennasis Speaks those things that reset were put into place of family time, quality time, time with friends, simplicity. But it also brought to us challenges and things that we'd rather do without tears, stress, broken relationships, broken marriages, bankruptcy there's things to embrace and there's things two mourn. The depth of muscles that I formed in 2020 are lessons that I will have to my dying breath. All of us will remember 2020 as an iconic year. Some will look back with mourning, some will will look back with triumph and smile on their face. Some will look back and maybe have a mixed bag of emotions. But 2021 arrived 2021 is here. As I ended season one sharing about my sexual assault several years ago, I did have the opportunity to connect with numerous numerous numerous women who shared their stories with me from when they were little to most recent years. Sexual Assault, being freed being raped, being molested. It hit hard. And they felt that it was holding and still am holding this precious treasure. This precious treasure as women share their stories and tears flow between both of us. I also see joy rising and hope arising. I see healing. I see the desire for this to stop and to break the cycle of abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse. As women talk and as we collaborate, we're stronger. We have courage that we didn't know that we had the warrior arises. And an army of women arises to say no more. Not on my watch. Not for my children. So I'm honored. And as we enter season two, it'll still be a combination of different stories. Overcoming dreamers, lovers. grief, loss, self care, self love. The exploration of women's hearts and each story resonate with you somehow. Whether it's learning how to catch your breath, to prioritize yourself, to allow you to self care, self love. Maybe forgive yourself. Maybe embrace the woman that you are. Maybe to pivot and try something new. Each story is unique. And each woman is so unique. And each woman is so courageous to come on here to share their stories with you. I'm calling women who are curious. Curious, can this be true? Can this hope be true? Can this healing truly happen? Is there a way to be an advocate for myself? Is there a way for me to overcome my fears? My traumas, my triggers my pain. My shame, my brokenness. You all know I am a work in progress. You all know that every day. I too have my struggles of self worth doubt, fear, frustration, stubbornness, short tempered. But as I continue to put people around me, and it continued to work on these muscles to heal, as I'm intentional to look at root causes, why I'm triggered? Why do I respond the way I do? I heal and I grow. And I become more and more whole, and more and more courageous. And as you know, more and more fiery, and more and more alive. I'm honored that you're listening. And I cannot wait to play with you in 2021. As some of you who know we've launched our wellness workbook, we launched it back at Thanksgiving, we've had a great response. We're printing and shipping. So if you're interested, please reach out. We are also launching the Inner Circle in March, cross your fingers. It is a plate paid platform for members to member driven site. But it is a call to women who want to invest in themselves. low costs, great value, lots of time, lots of rubbing elbows with me, with my team, with other women who have similar space and time and desire to be vulnerable, and heal and laugh and grow and play together. So Today's focus is a little bit more about my story. We see people and we perceive people in a manner that may or may not be true. Women, we show people what we want them to see whether it's our beauty, our silliness, our laughter, our ability to dance or sing. We show people what we want them to see and we hide the rest, we put that mask on. We hide the rest. We try to put our best foot forward. We put on our makeup, our heels. Well, maybe not lately, and probably not much this past year, more like our yoga pants and our tennis shoes or flip flops. But we put on our best show. And we put a smile on our face. And underneath the surface, we all know there's so much more going on. There's so much that we hide. There's so much that we suppress. There's so much that we ignore. We choose not to look at whether that's someone that had an abortion, and dealing with mixed emotions. Maybe you're contemplating an abortion, not sure what to do. Maybe you're feeling isolated alone. Hopefully as we continue through 2021 that piece of community and being out with one another broadens and deepens where we can be in relationship and laughter and community with each other. Maybe you deal with depression. I know that I have. I've dealt with depression through the years. And most recent years, no, but I also know that there's triggers and there's situations where I am down and nothing. And no one really can pull me out. Mine is not often and it's usually short. But there was a period of time, about 17 years ago, where I did go on antidepressants, because of being a mom of two littles and being pregnant for the third time dealing with some postpartum I was on a roller coaster of emotions. And I was in the depths of depression. And I needed help both through counseling, through family through encouragement, and through medication. Do you think of women around you who you thought had it all? Or maybe you have those people around you that you think have it all? I hope you don't listen to this podcast and that guy have it all. Because Lord knows I don't. But we know that when we sit still and we sit across a table and we have a one on one conversation. We find out they're human and they're hurting. Just like I am just like you are. Mwant is To provide encouragement and to activate souls, and align those souls with the support they need. Women we need support, whether that's for physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, professional, we need help. We are not made to isolate and be alone. We're made to be around each other, to bond ideas off of each other, to encourage each other, to validate each other, to guide each other to correct each other. We need that community Am I want is that through this movement, and through the people on our team, and through the women who are engaging and activating in the Jennasis Speaks movement that we have align what women need. Maybe right now you need something professionally, and having a one on one with a professional coach. Life Coach is exactly what you need. Maybe you're someone like me, that has struggled with prioritizing time for my physical well being. And so last October, I called my friend Megan and hired her to be my personal trainer. Because I know if I set my alarm to get up to work out, I'll likely sleep through it or find something else to do. Or if I carve that time in the afternoon from two to three. I will prioritize work over working out. I needed support. You all know through the years that I've done counseling, Joni Marra was on season one. She's brilliant. Betsy Muller was on season one. She's wise, brilliant. Both women powerhouses professional women who can help with healing and trauma triggers. Breath therapy. hypnotherapy tapping. What about just self care, walks, yoga. And a few episodes coming up. We have Denise Parker, who is a yoga instructor. And she talks about the me Our me our two self care self love through meditation, journaling, yoga, reading, audible books, whatever those look like. So ladies, just because you're in a hole or a low space, at this moment, we're here. And it doesn't mean that you're going to be here forever. It feels like you're going to be here forever. You feel like you're in this pit and you can't get out. But please know that the pain and the struggle are temporary, it will pass it will pass. One thing I've shared in hiring for Jenesis is that if you love the Jennifer Malcolm, that you see today and you feel hope and you feel inspired. You have to know that I've hit rock bottom. I too, have been through a journey of pain and heartache that many have experienced experience it in my own unique way. And it's my story. And I had to make forgiveness, part of my journey. Forgiveness towards others. Forgiveness toward my family, forgiveness toward my friends, forgiveness toward my ex husband, forgiveness more over and most importantly, for myself. See, I was a girl that grew up with a perfectionist mentality. My sister and I grew up on a farm in Grafton and had just a life of exploration. Fun joy. My childhood was fun. frisbee baseball in the backyard corn mazes, chasing cows, climbing trees, swimming. It was a good life. My sister and I both have great relationships with my family, great relationships with my parents. But somewhere along the way, I picked up a perfectionist mentality that I had to be good. I think part of it was from being a pastor's kid. And that there was oftentimes Especially junior high, where I would be told you can't do that because you're a pastor's kid. Or, you know, you can't you can't be bad because you're a pastor's kid. And, and I was like, I'm just a kid, your dad's a lawyer, or a banker, or construction worker. I'm just a kid just like you. But I think that piece of becoming a perfectionist stemmed from many different places. I honestly don't remember the exact route. Maybe I need to go back and do some more hypnotherapy. But through that, I became a perfectionist in my academics. I am courageous, and I'm outgoing. And I like to play. But I don't like to look silly, or have people laugh at me, I hope you see the difference. I don't mind laughing or dancing, or being in front of people. As long as I look good, and I dance well, or I sing well, or I might well whatever that is. But if I'm not great at it, I don't put myself out there. Or at least I didn't used to now I really am working through and continuing to work through and don't give a damn what people think. I went through high school. I had one A minus. And I became salutatory. And versus valedictorian. Just one little mess up. And I didn't have that accomplishment. Baldwin Wallace was my undergrad. I had my first see that first semester. And I was like, whoa. So in college, I didn't play. I didn't party. I went out with some friends. But I put my nose to the books, and spent four years getting two majors in a minor, having an internship, sitting for boards, working at a coffee shop, and expecting How do you know what I was expecting? That if we did things, right, all would be well, I remember that. I didn't really understand failure, besides some grades here and there. But if I put my mind to it, and I knew if I worked hard I would accomplish. I got a high school teaching position. When there was already someone that was filled for the job, and I interviewed anyway, and said, if you have this opening, and as a science teacher, I was a high school science teacher for three years. If you have an opening, I'm very interested. And they were adamant that this science teacher wasn't going anywhere and there was not a place. And a month later, unexpectedly, the science teacher left and I took the job. So I just felt like doors were opened. Left and Right. I had a good life. My sophomore year of college, I met my ex husband. And he was the bad boy. And again, this is my version of the story. But he was the bad boy, according to some of our mutual friends. And I was determined to win him over. I was determined to win his heart. We had a lot of fun in our dating relationship. But I also married the first guy who said I love you, and will you marry me. I don't know if that's good or bad. It is. So I was engaged at 21 married at 22 In hindsight, maybe I should have waited. But I remember talking to my parents and they just knew I was stubborn and determined and driven. But it led to me being in a marriage, where I felt isolated and alone. My ex husband was a hard worker always provided. But I felt isolated and alone. And I thought that through the years that would resolve itself. I thought through the years that if we had children, it would fill that void. But it didn't. So one baby became two, two babies became three. And I felt alone. My ex husband had a job that was on swing shift. And that had him work lots of nights and weekends. So I attended family events, graduation parties, birthday parties, holidays, often alone. And if I wasn't alone, and he was able to come, he was exhausted and understandably so he was exhausted by his work schedule, by the lack of sleep, but it felt alone. And it felt like a single mom for years. And I remember throughout our marriage, talking to him and screaming and yelling and crying and begging, that we weren't well, and we needed help. I knew that if he and I couldn't come to terms and find a path that worked for us, our family would fall apart. Now remember, not only am I perfectionist mentality, but I was a good girl. I was a really, really good girl. I had my first shot of alcohol on my honeymoon, I lost my virginity on my wedding night. I didn't party in college, I didn't smoke. I didn't do drugs. I didn't do pot. I was a good girl. And not only just from being a pastor's kid, but I wanted to be good. I wanted to make right choices. I wanted to live an exemplary life. But it had so many cracks and flaws. It had so many kinks in the armor, my smiling face, yet I was dying and isolated inside. I didn't have the resources around me. Or maybe I didn't access the resources around me that I did have. Because of my embarrassment, my desire to showcase our perfect marriage, our perfect family, our perfect home. And I wanted to shine. And I thought if I worked hard enough. This too could be right. But it wasn't. We were two people cohabitating living life together, raising kids. And yet I felt alone. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt alone? Have you ever felt that you were in a desert? Or you just needed a cool drink of water? Have you ever dreamt about a different life than what you have? So remember, this is my story. Where I felt isolated, and alone and controlled. And a single parent for a decade. I remember times being nervous. Because the house wasn't clean. The laundry wasn't done. There was a mess. Dinner wasn't ready. And feeling nervous. Because I didn't accomplish all that I should have that day. All they wanted to before he arrived home. Some days it took everything within me to just keep the kids alive and functional, with clean diapers and fed. Remember my two oldest are 17 months apart, and the girls are just over two years. So I had three babies three and under. And I know a lot of you moms out there know what that's like. But have you ever heard of the book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman? If you have, it's pretty prevalent. There's lots of different versions of it for teens for work for colleagues. But there's five main love languages. And I'll quickly go through them there's words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. And I learned about this love languages, probably halfway through my first marriage and realize that my ex husband's love language was acts of service. And my love language is quality time. So can you see how life and the way we're wired, already had things pitting against us. I did not care if the grass was cut. I did not care if the laundry was done. And of course those things need to be done. I just want to time I just want to time. I want to memories. I want to moments to be together and to experience each other. And you could also see why. At the end of the day, that things such as not having a laundry done. Not having dinner ready. Not having the dishes put away. Could have been like nails on a chalkboard to him and we never worked through those things, we we just get frustrated with one another, as I'd want him to sit next to me and be. And he couldn't sit still until things were put together. And so it was a vicious cycle that we couldn't hear each other. It'd be like me speaking Greek on here, and you're needing it in Spanish. Just two different conversations in love languages. I wanted to be with him. And he wanted things done and accomplished. How do you receive love? How do you give love? It's work. It is work to be cognizant of how others want to receive love. We tend to have myopic thinking, and look at our own experiences. Each of my kids have different love languages. Chad has his own love language. And it's okay. We're all wired so beautifully different. But it's to be aware and respectful of how others like to receive love. My son loves gifts. He loves Christmas gifts, he loves birthday gifts, he loves gifts, that's not as important to my daughters. And so it's just being aware of how to uniquely love and to pour water into someone's heart and soul exactly where they are. You can do the same thing with your friends, your colleagues, your neighbors, your parents, just to be aware of how they receive love. Going back to my story, though, there was a miscommunication or barrier between our love languages. There was an isolation and me feeling alone. There was him being absent due to work commitments, and eating, sleep. And it was a perfect storm of stress, chaos. buying a new home, having another baby that I found love somewhere else, or what I thought was love. What I thought was love. But it was a cool drink of water in a desert. It was someone who has kind who heard me who spent time with me. And I chose to end my marriage. A lot of my close family friends and people who are in the church know this part of the story. That's where a lot of self hatred, unforgiveness shame, layered themselves upon me. But there's a lot of things that happened as well. Through deception from others. Lying, controlling narcissism, betrayal, anger, jealousy, lashing out revenge, stalking interventions that kept wounding me. Those are the things that I felt as I was having this cool drink of water coming out of a desert. I always told my ex husband that he did not make me cheat on him. But I did express that he put my heart or we put our heart at that crossroad that made it easy for me to cross that line. Through the years the emotions that I've had, knowing that I'm not a cheater, I'm a perfectionist. Remember, I saved my virginity for my wedding night, remember. But I did something at a survival instinct to disrupt my marriage in order to survive. That's the best way I can say it. I needed to survive. I needed to find me again. And some of you listening will think that's so selfish. So self centric, so hurtful and spiteful. Believe me, there's not words that you could think about me. There are not words that you could say about me. That haven't already been said. Believe me. Those words have been spoken all about me. And it was interesting because as I filed for divorce, this relationship ended with this other man. And I had to decide, was I doing this for that cool drink of water. In the desert that made me laugh again and smile again and find myself. was I doing it for him? Or was I doing it because I needed to survive and find myself find my voice to disrupt my home so that my kids would have a mom that was full hearted and alive. There's lots of questions through the years, what if, how come but and all sorts of things. But I do know that as I walked through the pitfalls, that I did also find my genesis and I found my healing had been divorced or separated for 12 years. And as I shared at the beginning of this podcast, I started this business 10 years ago. It was for me. For those of you don't know the story, it was my genesis, it was going back to the Garden of Eden genesis, new beginnings, where life creation, communion with God occurs. It was my healing was my restoration, it was my hope. It allowed me to have work life balance for me and the kids, for me to spend time with them now in a shared custody agreement, but it became a place of life for me of creation of purpose. And this has morphed now into the Jennasis Speaks movement to empower women's voices, and choices. So if you're listening, and you've been through a divorce, or if you're listening, and you've had an affair, where you're listening, and your spouse's wanting to divorce you, or you're listening, and your spouse cheated on you, I know this pain. I want to have this dialogue. Want my story, to help other women to heal, to grow, to overcome, because our past does not determine our future. And we change the narrative. And we change the lies spoken about us. And more. We're the ones that we scream in our heads that says I'm unworthy. I'm ugly. I'm unqualified, I'm broken. And when the lies stop, and the healing bone washes over. And it may need to do that multiple times. It is a process. But it's worth it. I've known loss. I've known tragedy. I've known betrayal. I've known rejection. I've been betrayed. And I have betrayed, but I'm just so human. I'm just a woman who felt that she was in a hard marriage. And I needed to survive. So if you hear this story, and no longer follow me, I send blessings in love your way. And if you hear this story and want to continue to join me, I embrace and some blessings in love your way. Because I'm a woman who has hit rock bottom, who made horrible choices. Went into a spiral of drinking too much partying, being everything that I wasn't before. And then coming full circle into launching this business. wanting to be a leader wanting to be an advocate, wanting to say I understand that pain. I understand that loss. I understand what you're struggling. I have had numerous women over the last 12 years. Talk to me about their affairs, or their potential affairs. Their spouses affairs. And I understand with deep, deep, deep compassion and empathy, why they're there. Everyone knows right from wrong. And for a long time. I use this narrative. I chose to fail an open book test. I know what was right I know it was wrong. And I chose to fail an open book test. Now match that against a perfectionist mentality and match that against the girl who got pretty much straight A's through high school and college and girls. grad school, match that perfectionist mentality up with a chose to fail an open book test, the shame the ugliness. And this is where we get to change our narrative. This is where we get to raise our voices and say no more, no more, no more. I am beautiful, I am lovely. I am whole, I am healed. I am powerful, I am enough, I have a voice say of choice. I'm a warrior. Beauty does arise out of ashes. Joy does come in the morning. And so I'm hoping that you hear this podcast in this new January season. And feel compassion. If you hear this. And you don't understand. Send me a message. You hear this. And you want to know more send me a message. But I was so grateful. In 2017 when I met my husband, Chad. God knows what I've put him through in an interview and just said, you're going to meet one of the most powerful women that you've ever met. Because my heart is alive. I'm a visionary. I have big dreams. I have a big heart of compassion and joy. I love to play I love to explore. And if you want to be with me outstanding, and if you don't want to be with me outstanding, because I'm not going to compromise, my dream, my heart, my future. My marriage or lack of a marriage. Unless it's perfect. No, everyone knows my marriage is far from perfect. And Chad and I are far from perfect with each other. But we do strive every day to love each other perfectly. And when we argue we wake up the next morning, and I always say is there anything we need to clean up from last night mess or argument? is a response every morning is No. That was yesterday. It's a new day. There's no I'm sorry. We're good. And the way he models humility, forgiveness, never bringing things up again. The desire for me to live in fullness to do this work. He's there behind me, cheering me on. Part of this journey is just showing up. That's why I keep saying the call to the curious those ones, ladies of you're on the fringe, listening in. wanting more wanting community wanting conversations, courageous conversations, to be vulnerable. To be open. Life does get better. It's hard. We all went through a hard year last year does not mean that we don't have obstacles. We don't have struggles. We don't have pain. That's life, working through relationships, working through brokenness, working through mistrust, working through disappointment. But we have better muscles to be able to navigate through those things. And yes, it may take us down for a moment. But we don't stay down long because we arise again. I want to share some of the champions that have really helped me over the last decade. I would encourage you I'll put these resources on our website. But for those of you who don't follow some of these people and work I would encourage you to do so glenlyn Doyle, phenomenal writer. She has an Instagram, if you just Google London Doyle, trip versus vacation. Hilarious, and I know that painting Rene Brown, she did two TED talks on shame and vulnerability that has rocked my world. Every time I watch them I sob because I still see glimpses of ways that I still need to heal in a deeper way. She's got her podcast, she's got books. Simon Sinek is a radical, courageous leader in the business community. And Jennifer Sincero you're a badass you're badass about finances. I love her work. It just keeps my chin up. keeps my hope up. changes my life. which adds to my dreams. But this positive vision, this positive behavior is overcoming spirit. It doesn't happen overnight. It's a gradual change, but it's a beautiful one. So my desire ladies, as you're listening to this, is to join me in some way, somehow, some fashion in 2021 make a commitment to self love, self care, whether that's joining the inner circle, whether it's just listening to the podcast, whether you want to be on the podcast, maybe you want to join in and not be on a public space here. But have someone interview you, you just time. But I my my desire is to call women, the call to the curious a call to the warrior. The call to the simple the call to the laughter, play, exploration, music, song dance. There's a fire in my belly, ladies, and it's not going out. And the more that I rub elbows, and collaborate and talk to each of you, the more encouraged I am, that this work is meaningful. And this work is impactful. So I hope that you saw a glimpse of me today. Some of you again know this story. Others of you don't. But as we enter 2021 my one is that if you are encouraged, if you see things in my life and in this work, then know that I come from a broken past as well. I come from a broken story. But I am healed and whole and I have forgiven myself. And I've changed the narrative about the woman and that I am the wife that I am the mother that I am. And when doubts come in those around me remind me of my beauty, my strength, my voice, my purpose. So this warrior is an apologetic about my calling, and about this work, and I invite you to enjoy. Alright everyone, have a great day, and I'll catch you next week. Bye. Thank you for listening to the Jennasis Speaks podcast. If you love the show, one of the best things you can do is to share it with a friend. Tell them what you like about it, how it inspires you and invite them to listen. Subscribe to the Jennasis movement to empower women's voices and reclaim the power over your own narrative.