Traci Fisher, CEO of The Wellness Coach, believes we can command respect by embracing our authentic selves. That's how we teach people how they should treat us.
For the past 20 years, she has used that approach to help leaders achieve their full potential, drawing on life experiences that include graduating from the United States Military Academy at West Point and her military career as a helicopter pilot.
Fisher joins Jennifer Malcolm for this week’s episode of the Jennasis Speaks podcast. Be sure to listen and learn how embracing who you are can help you become the person you want to be.
Traci Fisher, CEO of The Wellness Coach, believes we can command respect by embracing our authentic selves. That's how we teach people how they should treat us.
For the past 20 years, she has used that approach to help leaders achieve their full potential, drawing on life experiences that include graduating from the United States Military Academy at West Point and her military career as a helicopter pilot.
Fisher joins Jennifer Malcolm for this week’s episode of the Jennasis Speaks podcast. Be sure to listen and learn how embracing who you are can help you become the person you want to be.
Calling all women who are curious and called to be women warriors are rising in this day and age to heal and grow together. I'm your host, Jennifer Malcolm, self made entrepreneur, women advocate and life balance expert. Welcome to the next episode of the Jennasis Speaks podcast, The Transformative Power of Women's Stories where every woman has a story. And every story matters. And as you're listening, and it resonates, yes, this means you today I have a friend I met a couple years back, Tracy Fisher. And when we talk about people who you want to play with in the world, Tracy and I always say I want to play with you. I want to play and live life with you. And I'm honored that you're here, my friend today. And we've been we've been talking about this for about six months, I think. And we're finally connecting to do this. So I'm excited.
Traci Fisher:Me too.
Jennifer Malcolm:I have a short bio that I read up so that you as an audience can learn a little bit more about Tracy and then we're going to jump right into her story. All right, so Tracy Fisher is a CEO of a health and wellness company, the wellness coach, Fisher has 20 years of experience providing wellness and well being coaching for leaders and teams. She helps executives to master optimal health, energy and performance so that they can achieve their personal and professional goals. She created a specific model and methodology designed to help leaders be the best version of themselves through self coaching and achieve their optimal wellness and well being also known as well being this, Tracy also created a live active a total body workout series which I have done a workout series with her so heads up you might be in for a kick ass session. And his co author of lean body smart life is working on her next book, the healthier leader, a former so everyone knows this because this is very unique, a former US Army helicopter pilot and graduate of the United States Military Academy at West Point. Tracy also is a proud mother of three. So welcome, Tracy, my friend.
Traci Fisher:I know me too, to play let's play.
Jennifer Malcolm:So it's funny because I know that we tried to do this before Christmas and I sent Tracy a recording date of like, Hey, you wouldn't do this like December 21. And you were like, do you not know that's Christmas week? No, thank you. And I was like, all right, we don't play now. And I loved your boundaries. But here we are. Navigate to February already and ready to rock and roll. Let's do it. Let's do it. So I want to start a little bit before we get into your story and just sharing with the audience. why there is such a deep heart connect between you and I we've not spent a lot of time together. But I feel like when we spend time together, it's very deep. It's very real. It's full of laughter. It's full of truth. It's full of truth telling. And we also have a very similar vision and heart around women and empowering women and equipping women and being an advocate and a facilitator of that. But I want from your lips to the audience's ear just to talk about why there's a great alliance between you and myself.
Traci Fisher:Well, I think you just said it, Jen. Right, you literally just said it. And I think it's interesting because literally when you're just talking, I could feel compassion and joy and love because and even like a little teary eyed honestly. Because like you are the real deal. Like you care passionately about helping people. And I think that when you meet somebody, Soul to Soul, and that you know that you both are in it for the right reasons to help people be more of themselves and to be authentic and vulnerable and real, that there's just like this kinetic connection immediately. And I love you, I think you are beautiful on the inside and out.
Jennifer Malcolm:Thank you. I've enjoyed getting to know you as my friend, my sister. I highly respect the work that you do and the impact that you're having on people's lives. And I just love that piece of synergy where there's ability to connect deep fast was just there and the ability to be real and authentic and truthful. And even sometimes when we don't want to hear the things that we need to hear, being able to say those things without offense, and maybe there's a little pang of like out, but it's all for good and it's all for the betterment of each other and I really respect you in that way.
Traci Fisher:Right back at you, baby.
Jennifer Malcolm:Thanks darlin. Okay, so, let's talk a little bit about your personal professional journey. Because, you know, there's not a lot of women in my life. I have a handful of women who were like really in the military and took that career path. Then you're a pilot. And so that's really unique. So why don't you share with the audience a little bit like how you even navigated to get into the army, the why behind it and kind of a little bit about your your career there.
Traci Fisher:Well it's interesting talk about getting vulnerable right away. because really what I want to be what I want to say is, oh, I've always wanted to serve my country and duty on our country. And the truth is that my parents were divorced when I was in second grade. And I was just thinking back, it's interesting, my mom would always say to me, you are a seismic girl, that's my maiden name, and you can do anything. And so I played soccer, and both of my sisters went to University of Virginia, and I was headed there as well. And I got a postcard in the mail from West Point, and they were recruiting for soccer players. And I was like, there's no way I am doing that. It did not know the difference between enlisted and officer, I had no idea and my mom literally reached in and pulled that postcard out of the circular file and said, just call them just do it. Go for it. And then the other slightly embarrassing part of that is I started the process, and I overheard somebody say, she's too fat. She'll never make it. And I was like, This is my mantra. You are not the boss of me. And that is really like the essence. You know, that's a double edged sword right there. And so I went,
Jennifer Malcolm:And anyone who has been around Tracy like you were one of the most fits and polished, put together poised, oh my goodness, you're gorgeous. I am so tired of hearing rudeness and unkindness out of people's lips and say things on the sly and and the down low and under their breath. And you're these words are resonating or you remember them. And I am so tired of unkindness, like everyone can have their views. I'm open to people having their views and their opinions. But there's no right or unkind. There's no reason for unkindness ever. For those of you that may not know though. What is the difference between officer enlisted West Point versus just signing up for the army, etc.
Traci Fisher:Right. Okay. So when you enlist My son has enlisted in the Air Force, he's back behind me. So he's enlisted, we would call that the chair force in the army to make fun of them. And so if you enlist, you can go right out of high school. So you don't have to have a college education. To be an officer, you have to have a college education. And to be an officer, you can go through something called Officer Candidate School or ROTC, right? So that's a pathway to becoming an officer or if you go to one of the academies, and so I went to the academy that will send you to the army. And then there's the Naval Academy and the Coast Guard Academy and Air Force Academy. You're there for four years, and then you get commissioned in the military, which means you become an officer when you get commissioned. And then you since I was in aviation, then I spent seven years I might commit most six in, in aviation and playing in that arena. And then I got out
Jennifer Malcolm:What made you go into aviation, because being a helicopter pilot is so unique. And so what made you navigate into the aviation in helicopter?
Traci Fisher:Okay, so Jenn, and just like digging into all my not glory stories, right?
Jennifer Malcolm:It's sexy as hell like,
Traci Fisher:I want to be like, Oh, I always wanted to be a pilot. And that is not the truth, either. The truth that the way that they used to do it is that if you had a very, very high GPA, and I don't think they do it like this anymore, then you could pick whatever branch you wanted to be in. And then the low end, then you could just got stuck with whatever you got stuck with. And I wasn't on the very low end, but I was like, in the middle of my class. And for some reason, in the year of 91. Aviation, by the time it got to the middle of the class had not gone out. And so that's why I picked it because it was better than the other things that were left.
Jennifer Malcolm:Okay, so that was honest and real. I, you know, you could have just gone with it with sexy as hell, and I. So you spent 11 years though, so you said four years for the Academy, seven years of serving. So you're like, that's a huge part of your early adulthood. I mean, I graduated from undergrad at 22. And then I kind of jumped into life, but this is a big commitment when you go this route.
Traci Fisher:It is a big commitment. And I and interestingly, you know, in 91, that was like when I was graduating the year before is when the gulf war started, right and so, so it's interesting because up until then people were not really going to fight wars when they were graduating. They do remember watching the first To aviators, they were warrant officers in Desert Storm get captured. And I and I remember thinking, Oh my gosh, those guys were just kind of shooting, you know, 24 hours a day, and now they are prisoners of war, like it like really hit. So it is a commitment. And it is. And I would have to say that nowadays and what people mean that people are now entering the military and serving our country to me like that. They know what they are getting into.
Jennifer Malcolm:No and that has a difference. Because I think that that reality, I know, My son looked into it when he was 1617, you know, potentially going into the military. And that as a mom's heart, like, there's a piece that I'm so proud of my dad was in, he was a marine. But there's another part that's like that has fear, because the world is so tumultuous right now and so uncertain, that the likelihood of seeing or being in a situation where there is a potential harm is high. I appreciate you showing the dichotomy of what your reality was, and then going into versus what commitment is now as well. Yeah. So you went all the way up to being a captain. Okay. So I don't know, again, the ranking but that sounds that sounds again, sexy as hell. So I was so impressed like my other friend destiny. She was in the military and the Navy as well. And I'm just in awe of women who had a significant career, not just did four years and out but had a career that stayed in for 10 plus years. Yeah, some thank you for your service. I just like, again, I know you now I just I can't see you in the military with your uniform. Was there a lot of women in military at the time that you were serving or no.
Traci Fisher:So you know, I don't know what the percentage was in terms of the army. I know that at West Point at the time, it was 10%. And I don't know what the numbers are right now. So in, it was even less in aviation. I remember, I think there were two women in our battalion. So yeah, it was pretty. Yeah, it was, it was a little unbalanced in terms of the ratio for sure.
Jennifer Malcolm:Did you feel that tension between being a female and having, you know, 98%? Male ratio? Or was it hey, we're all on the same team? And we're good to go?
Traci Fisher:I think the answer to that was, it really depended on the individual standing in front of me, right? Like, it's almost like when you think of just anything like teachers or bankers, or, you know, whomever, it's really it was very much individually based, I do remember, at West Point, like marching along and seeing older graduates, like kind of whispering or, you know, like, given like, funny looks, but I never really to be honest with you ever. Probably, depending on my mood. I didn't really take that personally, because I really was proud to be there. And I knew that it was the right thing. And that it would just take a little while for the culture, you know, those guys grew up with Leave it to Beaver. And so did we right. And it was just, I knew that it was going to take some time for the culture to catch up with the, with the right ness of it. So. So yeah, so I did experience it a little bit, I had, you know, there was some sexual harassment and things like that, as well. So I think that that's tough for any woman right now in a professional setting.
Jennifer Malcolm:And I appreciate that, because it does go back to the person that you're interacting with, because we can interact with 10 people and have no issues. And then you'd have one asshole that comes along, and it ruins you know, and spoils the the experience or impacts the experience. And to know, like, it is an individual, it's not necessarily a culture thing. Right. And I look at you as a very highly emotionally intelligent and self aware woman. Is that something that has always been a part of you? Or do you feel like you've grown into that through your experiences through your work through your readings, setting, cultivating, practicing? Or were you always pretty self aware and kind of that front end of the curve?
Traci Fisher:Yeah, that's definitely a growth process. For sure. And I think it's still ongoing. Right. And I think that that's the whole point of being here on this planet is to continue to grow. Like that's our essence. I think that that poll, and it's interesting, because that's part of the wellness and well being piece is that I think that underneath no matter what people are telling themselves, that they want to be more and experience more and grow. I think that that's a natural way of being so yes, so that is definitely a product of studying cognitive behavior and implementing it. I use my children a little bit and say, you know, sorry, I didn't really grow up mentally until the third child.
Jennifer Malcolm:We're all a work in progress so much. Yeah, yeah. And I agree because I feel like my I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and they I feel like my evolution, and we were talking, you know about people and being judged for what they did or didn't do 10, 15, 20, 30 years ago, and how vastly different of a person I am 10, 15 years later, you know, I got divorced 12 years ago, I am a vastly different person, just self aware, confident, you know, those insecurities and things that eat away, you know, at your heart, as you know it for me for 25, 26, 27 years old, 30 year long, that, that it is intentionality. And, and I hope that people look at my life. And don't judge me by choices that I made at age 30, 32, I'm sure they still do also see a woman who has transformed and has become more self aware and self confident. And I know that you work with women in this regard as well. So what tools do you give or encouraged women to either self identify in a mirror like, let's look at the reflection on the beautiful woman, you're becoming more getting over that stagnation part of being bogged down in our past or a past shame,
Traci Fisher:I think the first thing that I would say is that our past really only exists in our heads and the way that we think about it. And so we always have the opportunity to make an incident mean something else. Now, of course, we always have that opportunity in the present moment, as well. Some, you know, including the number on the scale, or whatever is going on in a relationship, like we are the ones who get to give it meaning. And I think that that's one of the most important things that I teach, I have a very specific model that I use. And at the very front of it, it's an acronym. At the front is an X, and I call it X marks the spot. And it's a part of that well being this model, and when I teach people is that x is neutral. And a lot people go What, no, there's no way How can that be neutral. And I get that that is a very hard pill to swallow. But that includes your past everything. That's a really hard one. And it's interesting, because my father is a little choked up. Out of nowhere. Yeah. Talking about being vulnerable. Jenn, you're really good at this.
Jennifer Malcolm:Yeah this is my space.
Traci Fisher:Yeah, this is your space. Yeah. So this is what I want to say is that my father passed away in May. And he passed away unexpectedly. I mean, he had cancer, but it was very, very fast. So there are so many stories that I can tell around his, his passing and, and I'm the one who gets to decide, you know what, I'm going to be sad. Today, I'm going to miss daddy today. Like I just feel like being sad. And there are other days when I choose to really enjoy his life and to think in different ways. And there are moments, right, it goes from moment to moment. But the key is, and this sounds really harsh, but that his death is neutral. The way that we know that it's neutral, that means something different to me, than it means to his wife, to my sister to you to other people, that doesn't mean that it doesn't have meaning. But what it means is that I'm the one who gets to assign the meaning. And that is a very powerful place to be very powerful, I get to be sad, if I want, I get to be angry, I get to be filled with joy, I get whatever I want.
Jennifer Malcolm:I've never heard that expressed or defined in that way. And I think it's powerful. Because when you say like, your past doesn't matter. And it's it's the narrative that we run, in our own mind, it's the story that we've created that that was bad, or that was not good, or I feel ashamed, or I shouldn't have done, you know, billion, you know, seven point whatever billion people on the earth don't care, like they have no, they have no awareness or even care what I did 10 years ago, and for the handful of people that may be aware of something that wasn't my best moment, I give it meaning or I give them power over me to say, Oh, I should feel bad, or I should feel shame, or I should feel guilty when we have the power to put that X up and said that that doesn't define me. This place in my life is an X neutral. Right?
Traci Fisher:And the other thing is, is it's not that it doesn't matter is that you get to make it matter or not you get to choose so I want to be really clear that I'm not saying that, you know things that happen to people or you know, different events or whatever the that that they I'm not saying that they don't matter what I am saying is that you have the power to decide how they matter. And what you're gonna do with them. And what you're gonna do with it. That's a that's like a magic wand.
Jennifer Malcolm:It is a magic wand. So how do you get people and women to get to That space of even being able to eat, understand because I'm, you know, I'm wrapping my brain around this and going I, I study this stuff all the time and I'm like, my wheels are turning, how do you get people to a adopt or even begin to understand it, but then transition to really believing and putting that activation in place.
Traci Fisher:So everything I do is in threes, I love the number three. And so the process that I use, I call it the 3d methodology. And so even though and you know, the engineering me and that, you know, things have to be in a particular order as part of this model. And so, the first piece is discovery, and discovering what is and doing that from a place of curiosity and compassion versus being critical, right. So to discover what is and to witness, what am I thinking about this, and now I didn't even know that I was talking to myself that way or, or just to be really curious. So that's kind of the first piece and learning to just understand that it is what it is. And then we just are watching it to just be really curious about our lives. And then the second step step is to design like, Okay, so now, I used to make that mean that I was a victim. And that doesn't serve me. So I'm going to design a different thought around it or a different emotion around it. And then the third step is like, where all the work is, I call it dare. So it goes discover, design, and then dare, and it used to be discovered design do and I changed it to dare. Because when we dare to practice to look inside our own heads and our own bodies and our own past and our own present, and take responsibility, like that's it, that takes courage to look in, to be vulnerable to speak your truth. So that is the practice. So that's kind of what I do with people is to just say, first of all, be very gentle with yourself, I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm not gonna let you bullshit, you or me. And I'm going to lead you through it the whole way. Because and this kind of takes me back to once I got out of the military, one of the things I wanted to do was to become a minister. And so I was studied as a prayer champion for a while and studied prayer. And the idea when somebody walks up in front of you, and they tell you that they're having an affair, or that their father just died or that their kid you know, whatever is going on, that the intention was to first and foremost to see what we would call their Christ Self and even call whatever their pure essence or whatever you want to call it. And to see that and to speak from that. And so that is exactly how I see everybody. So whatever. Whatever politics or rudeness is coming out of their mouth, first and foremost, I want to see like that their essence and their their goodness there. Which is their their spirit, first and foremost.
Jennifer Malcolm:That's beautiful. And my follow up question they it was dragging this down, as you're talking about this, your three steps. This through, you know, one on one coaching, is this through, hey, I'm going to sit here, I'm going to journal are we talking about this? You know, what - Or maybe it looks different for each person, because each person may react differently, and isn't like, hey, it's gonna take me three months to do this discovery piece and really dig into how I view myself and, and going through steps or is it like, Hey, we're gonna go through this in one hour? And hit all those? And then we'll dive deeper the next time? Like, how does that look? Typically? And I'm sure there's a typical, but how does that typically look for you?
Traci Fisher:Right, so. So my well being this model is wellness plus well being and so the wellness piece is all of that, what are the things that we need to do to take care of the physical organism, whether we're fueling, resting moving our body or meditation are? What are the actions that we need to take to take care of the organism of our body and our brain? And then the well being peace is what is the the rest of us, right, your essence, your thoughts and your emotions. And so what I do is, you know, inner, inner least both of those through basically the equivalent of a six step process. And so the first process is discovering your vision and figuring out, you know, who do I want to be? Who do I want to be first. And then we identify specific results, mental, emotional, physical health, energy performance, and then we figure out where the X is where, where you are currently. And then we design a wellness plan, we design a wellbeing plan, and then we practice the whole thing together. So that's the the logistics and the framework that I use when I'm coaching people. And so it is different for different people. If I start with a vision and someone someone immediately starts talking about really wanting to lose weight, and we put the vision to the side for a second and talk about Okay, what is your result and then I always bring it back to the vision so maybe more detailed than you wanted.
Jennifer Malcolm:I'm, you know, absorbing this like a sponge and I want the audience to really understand the work that you do, because you really do holistic approach. You're not just looking at a physical body saying okay, we want to get stronger. We want to get thinner. We want to do you know work on our core, you're not just looking at the mental aspect of Mental Health, you're not looking just at the professional aspect, you're looking at the entire person as a whole, which I think is very unique for for a lot of coaches, because a lot of coaches go neat niche to one or two of those areas. And yes, many touch points on Yes, here's an overflow. But that's not my specialty. And the work that you do is holistic that you're looking at body, mind, soul, spirit, past, present future, helping people to identify and to discover themselves in that process as well.
Traci Fisher:Yeah, and I think you just hit the nail on the head at the very end, to discover themselves. Like that literally, is it I was just speaking with somebody yesterday. And I was, it was a call who it was a potential client call. And he was telling me that all the things that he wanted, or that he that that were going on in his life, and then I, and then he and then what we all end up doing is we ended up saying What is wrong? And so I said, Okay, what do you want? And then he kept going on and on. And he would start and then he went off to do what was wrong? And then I said, Okay, one more time, what do you want? Who do you want to be? And that is the discovery, because as leaders and adults, we are naturally inclined to look for what is wrong, that's part of our survival mechanism. So the first piece is, you know, discovering who you want to be, like you who you want to be not what somebody else wants you to be where you think you should be. But who do you want to be? And sometimes we are like, huh, oh no.
Jennifer Malcolm:No. And I think that's so impactful, because we either get bogged down with a shift from our past, or we get bogged down of what we should be, I should be doing this, I should be doing that I should be. And so it's that self shaming piece of what I do is not good enough. And so therefore women especially are horrible at self care, we're horrible at self love, we're horrible taking time for ourselves, because it's either the past is screaming in our head, for the should, should should is screaming in our head, right? That being piece discovery piece, and then the activation piece, Mm hmm. doesn't go that thing a life that is not who are created or meant to be.
Traci Fisher:And that never, and that goes all the way back to what you're talking about at the beginning in terms of evolving and growing, I feel like you have your own little droplet of what you were supposed to bring to this world so that you feel fulfilled. And when we don't, when we're This is what I like to say don't know, shitting on yourself. Right, no shutting and as soon as you hear that I should this figure out where that's coming from, it is very different than I want or I choose
Jennifer Malcolm:Very much, though. And it was interesting, because in my business group last week, I had one of my colleagues, they were talking about how he missed the opportunity, because he reads to his daughter every night, and I'm tired. He was really tired that night. And you know, half hour later, he was like, you know, I probably should go read with her. And he went to her, she's like, No, daddy, that's okay. Like, it's fine. I know you're tired. And he was guilt ridden all night, because he missed this opportunity with his daughter. And again, that narrative is in his own head, his daughter's pilot cool, I have another half hour to myself or you know it, you know, and again, it's not saying that if you did that every night that she wouldn't be impacted. But on one night, it's a blip in her radar, and he lamenting over this and feeling guilty, because it should have done it. And we self shame and self guilt ourselves.
Traci Fisher:I think it's just, first of all, I think it's human because we all have brains. And there is that limbic part of our brain, right? That fight or flight part of our brain that is always looking out right for what's going wrong. And we want to have that part of our brain. And that's the part of our brain in our past that may have said, you know, in order for you to be good enough, you have to get good grades or in order to make sure this is an interesting thing I think a lot of I've heard a couple times this week is I need to get mine If I don't eat really fast. Or if I don't get the treat really fast, then I grew up in a family where I wouldn't get it. So there's this training that has gone on that is unconscious. And that happens whether you are a man or a woman, you know, doesn't matter, American, whatever, it doesn't matter, because we all have brains. And then the trick is to instead of using you know willpower or discipline to keep hitting that back is to hear it and to welcome and say, Hey, what is going on? What do you what is the need that you are trying to meet? And let's shut let's figure out another way to meet that need. I have a better idea come with me. And so it's almost like this integration of both your limbic brain and your prefrontal cortex and, and bringing them together the angel in the devil on the shoulder and the devil saying Why? Why is the devil telling me that I'm fat or that I'm uglier, I'm not good enough, what is going on? And every time I go through a coaching session with somebody, it almost always boils down to, I'm not good enough, or somehow, am I evil, tribal, you know, I don't speak my mind. Because I won't be a part of the tribe, I'll be kicked out of the cave. I'll be all alone. But that's a Primal Fear, right? It's real.
Jennifer Malcolm:And I love that you're that you're saying specifically to not back that down. Because I think that we say, I don't have time for that. It's not important. I don't, you know, like I physically don't want to deal with etc. And you're saying to do the opposite, actually pull it forward, acknowledge it, and then work on what's the replacement, and how can we heal in that space, which is very, very different than what a lot of us do, of just pushing it back, pushing it down ignoring it, and it keeps popping up year after year after year. And we wonder why we why we are still dealing with the same issues literally years later than we have been.
Traci Fisher:And that's why the third step is dare daring to practice because as soon as you bring that up, you a lot of times people are like, Oh my gosh, I've been creating this this whole time. And that's that's also then we can beat ourselves up about that need to be really careful to be curious and compassionate with ourselves as we go through this.
Jennifer Malcolm:And I like the word dare, because dare has that allurement you know, it's like, a double dog dare you to do something because it's exciting- I get that excitement and that activation, versus like I had to do something that generates the power is within us. That narrative to change that outcome, to rewrite the script and to become different people.
Traci Fisher:Yeah. And the thing that I want to add on to that is for people not to be frustrated if the old scripts keeps coming back, because it is literally the the chemistry in your brain, it is the training that you have created, that it's a neurological pattern in your brain, it's a habitual thought. So when and this is one of the things that I work with is if we're going to change a bridge thought so for example, if somebody starts to realize that every time they walk by a mirror, they say, Oh, my God, you're disgusting to themselves. So to change that thought an affirmation would be Oh, you're beautiful or whatever. Here's the thing, if you don't believe that, that is not gonna work. Right? Right, it's gonna be like total BS, like blah, blah, blah, in the back of your head. So what you do instead, is if you can change the narrative to maybe something like I have a body, and people are like, okay, fine, I'll start saying I have a body, then literally the energy in your body, you create emotions, by your thoughts, the physiology is now no longer cortisol and adrenaline, but maybe just what it was before you walked in front of the mirror. And so those are baby steps. And if you walk by again, and you say you're ugly, again, in the mirror, just go, there it is, there's that thought. And that's not true. And you just do that over and over and over again. And it's the same as a Pavlovian experiment, right? It's not just over and over. So we were trained to think that and we just run training, and it takes time,
Jennifer Malcolm:It's going to take time, this is not going to be a one session, let me get this all down on paper, let me be aware, and tomorrow, I'm going to be better. It's a practice, it's going to be a practice. And you're going to, we're going to mess up and we're going to pull back some of the old language and feelings. And it's a practice to reposition, change the narrative, put a new mantra on it and move forward. Totally. So I have a question. So you're gonna go a little bit vulnerable here. But what are some of the things that you really had to overcome in your life? It really gave you, hey, this, this works. So I know that there are people that, hey, you've not had much trauma or triggers or issues and so you've had an easy road. But I know you've struggled with some things. And you know what, to what extent you're you're willing to share with the audience. What are some of those things that you had overcome and change that mantra and story in your mind, in order to really step into the work that you're doing now?
Traci Fisher:Yeah, so the biggest one, I don't have to tell you is I was at what I'll call the height of my fitness career, right. And so I had done a DVD had really low body fat, and was teaching multiple classes a day at you know, my thriving company. And you know, the, the big house and the 17 year marriage and the three kids and everything looked beautiful on the outside. I looked like I totally had it gone on. I was way over drinking red wine at night. And I was a closet candy eater. My favorite candy Okay, get this no judging. Candy Corn, like,
Jennifer Malcolm:Oh, no. Sugar. If you would have said a rich piece of dark chocolate, I would have been right with your candy corn ...
Traci Fisher:No, I'm telling you like my ex husband used to buy like these big sweethearts. Those are my favorite thing, I would eat those three or four at a time, right? So, so honestly, I would be teaching classes and I would show up and I would be not feeling good from drinking too much red wine, right? And I would go teach a class, I cannot tell you how many times I would be in that bathroom, at the community center thinking, I'm never gonna do this again, what is wrong? So that was between me thinking, Okay, it's one thing to look healthy and to have health quote, unquote, and it is a whole nother thing to be healthy, and to be healthy in your mind. And my marriage was falling apart, and I just was not happy. So that's when I went back to school and wanted to send began to study all of the cognitive piece and how does, how does behavior change happening. And that's how I figured out that there's a difference between making something work, and I'm talking about my marriage now, making it work or being happy in it, and then deciding that you want to leave, because you just don't want it anymore. And so I went through the process of becoming happy myself. And really, learning like being authentic. And then I decided, I don't want to I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. And that's okay. I can be happy here. But I don't want it.
Jennifer Malcolm:And I love though, that you discovered part of that confidence, opinion, stance while you were in it. And you were able to say, I could stay here, but I choose no longer to be here. Right. And that's
Traci Fisher:Yeah. And also, by the way, don't get me wrong. That's that same story, right, it's still very hard. We think that we have so much control over other people's emotions. Right, and just like, we have control of our own our own emotions with our thoughts, so today, and so we are not in charge of their emotions. And at some point, actually, that even includes it's interesting for parenting is that, you know, we see a lot of helicopter parenting because we don't want our children to feel bad. And so we're managing their emotions for them, instead of teaching them how to think so that they can manage their own emotions.
Jennifer Malcolm:And we have similar age kids. So I know that we're tracking along similarly in, you know, that transition to raising adult children. Right? Here's with them being a mentor and a friend versus an authoritarian over them. That's a big transition. And people have asked like, how, you know, how are you doing and that, and for me, the shared parenting actually helped me with the releasing of my adult children, because I only had my kids half time. And when they were with my ex husband, they're dead. They were fine, healthy, happy, they were safe. And so now when I go, when they go off to college, or they go do their thing, I had that same manager, they're fine, they're healthy, they're strong, they're safe. They may mess up, they may make mistakes. But so why every day, so you know, it's that it's that piece. So there there are gifts in that. Yeah.
Traci Fisher:And to remember that their lives belong to them.
Jennifer Malcolm:Yeah, I don't like that part. Sometimes. I always tell Paige. So Paige is a freshmen at college, and she skipped a fifth grade. So she really should be a senior this year at school. And I'm like, Can we just go back and redo the fifth grade, and then you can go to college next year, that would be delightful. So I want to spend the last little bit of time just really talking a little bit more about your work, I know that you use words such as the difference between wellness and well being. And a lot of people exchange those in the same manner? How do you those two words being different?
Traci Fisher:So I have to tell you, I made up my own definitions on purpose, because there are so many variations. And when I was studying, I was just like, okay, I was feeling really confused in the same way that there are so many different ways to get fit. So to be clear, when I say wellness, I'm talking about physical health, energy and performance. Physically, if I have a broken ankle, my performance will be different than if I don't have a broken ankle. Or if I have a chemical issue, you know, with my hormones, that is a physical things. I call that wellness. And it's almost I like it because it allows people to separate their being and their essence from their body, which is really big on the body shaming and thinking that the number of your weight is who you are. Yeah, so that's the wellness piece that we do things to take care of the organism of our body, including our brains, we may meditate, you know, to create chemicals, more oxytocin in our bodies, we're doing that on purpose. And then the well being piece is as I said before, there's so much information about different areas of well being and different ways to get to well being and I just narrowed it down to Your mind and how you're thinking and your emotions, because that's pretty much all we have control over our thoughts, our emotions and what we do with it. Oh, yeah. So I took all this information and just basically narrowed it down into those three areas. Yeah. And interestingly, so if you think about it like this, I talk a lot about the T a cycle. And it basically is the idea that your thoughts, create your emotions, always. And then emotions will give you the energy to create your actions. until it becomes an unconscious habit, I don't have to have an emotion about brushing my teeth. When I'm trying to create a new action, I start with my thoughts, and then I go to my emotions and actions. So that's the intersection I think that's a very long winded answer to wellness.
Jennifer Malcolm:This is awesome. And, and I think that piece that realizing you're like I, I'm a high intuitive, and I have high emotion, but some of its unconscious. And the reality is there is conscious behavior and thought patterns that I can also do to mature some of that, at navigate some of that, and also not allow wounds or triggers from my past, to unhealthily express that where there's a high emotion to a small problem, I love that you said that the thoughts also helped lead emotions, even as a high intuitive or high emotional, compassionate person, there are systems tools, practices, to also be in control of emotions, and to help navigate those as well.
Traci Fisher:So what I'm really specifically talking about is that an emotion is literally a physical sensation in your body, right? It's a physiological sensation in your body. And so an emotion is, I believe, always triggered by a thought, now the thought may be unconscious. And that's why I want to bring it to the beginning. So I just had somebody say to me, Well, what about snakes? and jump out of the way? I'm so scared? I'm not there's no thought involved? And like, yeah, yeah, there is you just aren't aware of it. Because you're the thought is snakes are dangerous. It's just been relegated to the back side of your brain. Right. So there is a thought you may not be aware of it. But there is always a thought. And that's kind of part of the practice, which is very different than kind of picking up on other people's energy right?
Jennifer Malcolm:And I like that piece. Because, again, I'm a high feeler, I pick up energy, I am very compassionate, empathetic person. And I love that part of me, I love that part. But I also don't want to have it to control me where that it is an unhealthy response, or I don't have my wall up, where I can leave people's shit behind and that pick up their pain or not pick up their screen or not pick up their their story, where there is a shield a healthy, you know, boundary around, man, I love that you're distinguishing between those two things as well.
Traci Fisher:And then the you know, the other thing I wanted to say about that, Jenn is that I think the other thing that that a lot of the women that I work with, I've seen this more in women than I have in men is that they very quickly tried to not have the emotion, they don't want to be too emotional, or, you know, cry, or I was just talking to somebody who said she was feeling chopped up in a board meeting and she didn't want to cry in a board meeting and like Fine, whatever tool you need to use to put on the face and do do what you choose to do in that meeting, then you do that. And that emotion has to be comes from somewhere. So we don't want to push that away. Either. We want to say okay, why? What is going on? Like, why am I so emotional? What am I thinking? We does it mean?
Jennifer Malcolm:There was one more piece that we in our discovery with you we're talking about of when people look outside themselves and compare themselves with other people. And the tendency is to try to find external answers and to chase after answers versus sometimes just silencing our mind and the body and trusting that all the answers are within? How would you facilitate that conversation with someone when you're trying to look outside for those answers and results?
Traci Fisher:I love this quote. It's called comparison is the thief of joy. And it's interesting because we are physical organisms that are that are born and have brains that do want to connect with people, right? So there's this, how do I connect with other people? And how and a lot of times it's let me be like them, let me be part of their circle, right. So So then we try to kind of morph ourselves to be a part of their circle. So I think that there's a balance of that and having empathy and putting ourselves in other people's shoes and understanding and kind of going outside of ourselves. I think that there's immense value in Like you are an expert at that. And sometimes it takes a lot of window cleaning, to really get underneath there and see what is true for you. And I know that's the work that you're doing is for people to embrace who they are absolutely like to say, who do you be? Who do you want to be? Like, my kids are driving me crazy. I'm yelling at them. I want to stop yelling, that's what you want to do. Who do you want to be? I want to be loving. So you do that be that and then you do from there. That's when you see the results.
Jennifer Malcolm:That's when you transition and transform, versus like, well, I want to stop yelling, and then start loving. So put on, put off and put on. So I had this conversation yesterday. And I'd love your thoughts on it. Where the difference between a surrendering where you're at, striving where you're at. I know when I work hard and working hard on the Jennasis Speaks movement. I'm working hard. And I know that I have to do work, I have to show up I have to write I have to create, but at what point, do you say you know what, I have to stop striving for results, strive for engagement. Yes, I have to work. Also just need to surrender and trust that a timing is right. The the people coming in will be right. And all is already created. I'd love your thoughts on that. Because if that striving and work hard, but at what point do you just have to surrender?
Traci Fisher:Right? So it's interesting, because one of the words or the phrases is have to, I have to I have to I have to. And so what I think what you were saying is that in order to achieve this result, I'm choosing to do this, right, because I really want to grow in this particular way. So that's already a shift in the story. And this shift is, again, who your being and your and your come from, where are you coming from. So one of them you're either coming from a place of victim or place of responsibility. And so you're come from, when we're like I have to I gotta do this, I have to do this because I don't have it yet. So I'm almost a victim to my circumstance, like I don't have it yet. And in order for me to be better, I have to get it, which is very different than I know my worth, I know who I am, and that it is already created. As you said, I totally believe that I know my value, and I choose to go get that shit.
Jennifer Malcolm:And then to piggyback on that, is when we arrived somewhere, so we're working hard, we're going going going and we do find get to where we want to be from a responsibility and beauty part not from a big part that I tell my tendency is to not celebrate the moment and not rest in the moment. And almost like alright, why did that? So what's the next? What's the next initiative? What's the next marathon? What's the next book? I would love for you to hear what your thoughts are like, why don't we just celebrate and rest? Why is it an immediate for a lot of people to jump on to the next thing?
Traci Fisher:I think that that really comes from the same thing that we were talking about in terms of our brain, right, looking for looking at like, what's next, you know, what is my next one? What is the next thing that I need to hunt or to conquer? Or to gather? Like, what is the next thing? And so sometimes that feels like exhaustion, and I'm not celebrating and being in the moment. And then sometimes it's like, what next amazing thing are we going to do? It's interesting, because the three things for the wellness side is fueling. It's all about energy, feeling your energy giving yourself energy, resting, and then moving. And so I think you're talking about is that we are removing moving, moving, moving, moving, moving, moving and never resting or celebrating or fueling, then that will feel totally out of whack. And I hear a lot of people when we start off coaching conversations, right, tell me what was great, like what went really well and somebody say, Well, I lost four pounds, or I haven't had alcohol and an entire month or and but you know what? Immediately, but what didn't go right. And so literally, it's uh, you know, the way that we've trained our brains and say, okay, so we'll talk about that in a second. Tell me a little bit more about your victory. Like, that's good. How amazing is that? It feels so good to sit in that. And by the way, it's also healthy. Yeah.
Jennifer Malcolm:So I have a few popcorn type questions for you as you wrap this, who inspires you?
Traci Fisher:Who inspires me to do what? So many people inspire me, I will have to tell you that you inspire me. Right? I have a couple of friends who are walking the walk or being their best selves. So that's inspiring to me. I'm very inspired by Oprah. I think that she is the ultimate walk in you walk. Renee Brown, I think does that as well. So I think Think all of those women are inspiring to me. And, and then the and then people like you and my friends who are who are doing the walk, right? Be in the walk, yeah,
Jennifer Malcolm:If you could d anything on a Friday night, wh t w
Traci Fisher:If I can do anything on a Friday night, I would go, I love to, I'd love to go to a beach and have a picnic on a beach. And I've never ridden a horse on a beach. Fun. On a Friday night and Saturday and Sunday,
Jennifer Malcolm:What is something that you want to accomplish, or to experience in 2021.
Traci Fisher:So this is gonna sound a little corny, but I'm working with my coach on this. And being we just were talking about is that in those moments, so I'm writing a book, and I'm doing a healthy leader on online program, and all the same things that you are like creating things in the world. And I also am practicing remembering who I am in the midst of that. So for 2021, I'm literally trying to spend more time in the space of knowing who I am. And coming from that place, no matter what is going on. And that is that's literally my life's work is in my profession, and is my life's work.
Jennifer Malcolm:And I want to I'm going to piggyback on that, because I want to surround myself with people who want to also do that. Because when you're in that community of people that are trying to accomplish and and, and have their vision in the same direction and maybe different viewpoints and bendable vantage points, but it makes my heart come alive. Because when I'm down, I know that four of you are up. And I feel like you still got it you saw like Chin up, chin up, chin up your eyes, you know, and that encouragement. And that community piece, to me is I'm finding more and more important, where I feel like I'm doing this work alone, or I have to overcome it alone, or I have to be alone. And there is a full part being comfortable in your own skin and your own silence and, and your own essence. But you also have that community around that says, I'm here to encourage and equip and fight alongside you as well.
Traci Fisher:And I and that's one of the reasons I love, love, love the work that you are doing you. I used to call this having a friend or somebody around you who can see your truth almost like that unity prayer chaplain is God was skin on somebody who sees who you are, even when you can't, and who can create with you and help you hold your vision when you're like, Are you kidding? I just recorded this whole podcast and I didn't even push play right? You're creating that community, which is why i that is not my sweet spot. That's another thing I'm creating is connecting with people in a different way. In the past, up until now I have not played well with others, right and so, right. So being vulnerable and being real and being in a community like this and and being able to say things like that.
Jennifer Malcolm:And I think the beautiful part about that is to be able to say it, and know that you're in a safe environment. So you may not necessarily agree with my stance, my position my thoughts, but doesn't change your love for me that doesn't change your life. For me, that doesn't change how you respect me. And I think that culture and community is something vastly different that women are craving where they can be truly seen, truly, not judged and loved. And I hope that my position on some things changed because me cultivating, learning and growing from other perspectives is only going to make me a better human being woman, wife, Mom, etc. And I think that piece of iron, sharpening iron and being together is so imperative and it's unique. And I think that aspect is what this movement is about of creating this culture of women being seen being known being loved period. I love it. Amen. So what do you have in the works coming up? Or how someone get engaged with you?
Traci Fisher:Yes, so the easies way to engage with me is to g to ww.thewellness.coach, I thou ht I was being creative dot coac, right, not dot com. So that's the easiest way and then you could there's a couple of different options within there. I definitely recommend for people to download the healthy leader exactly what to eat checklist because it takes all of this crazy information about what we should be eating and puts a nice little clean framework on it, which is what I like to do. And then I just want to give a gift. There's a little seven minutes. I don't know you can call it a meditation I call it the leadership meditation and it's about being and who you choose to be in the day. And so I'd like to give you a link to that as well for people it's seven minutes is just a easy meditation.
Jennifer Malcolm:Traci is here in Cleveland with me. I haven't seen her since I think we golf last last fall but she's one that I get these heavy voice recordings. video recordings, I can literally text her and play. This women's movement thing is for the birds because I just I'm not getting anywhere. And she'll call and she'll lift my head up and give me perspective. And so I just really honor who you are in my life. And I'm so excited because I still feel like our relationship is green and new. Even though it's deep with good roots, you know, I'm so I'm looking forward to how this unfolds, I'm eager, I'm going to surrender and that strive, I'm going to be intense. But I'm really excited to see how our work and our lives continue to play off of each other and grow together and honor you as a friend.
Traci Fisher:Thank you. I you know, I just want to say ditto. And Jen, the work that you are doing is amazing. It is so delightful to watch you do your thing. Thank you for letting me be a part of it, I really appreciate it.
Jennifer Malcolm:And I have to say this one last note because if you ever sit in one of Tracy's workshops, what I wish I had the privilege to do this fall. And women you're gonna laugh, but she, you know, actually talks about women's orgasms from the front of the room. I think every woman in that room kind of leans forward. Like she just said that, you know, public and like, Oh, hell yes. So he is going to make you laugh and make you cry, make you feel inspired, make you hopeful. And I think that's the beautiful part because she's just real. And I love the work that you're doing. Thank you. You're welcome. Thanks, everyone, for tuning in today. I am so honored to have my friend Tracy here with you today and just sharing her story and I'm beaming. She's beaming because I just feel like this energy is so glorious, and we hope that this flows out to you as well. And I will have the information for Tracy's how to get ahold of her. Her programs, this seven minute meditation on our website and links to her. So get engaged and Let's be together. Alright, ladies, have a good one. Thank you for listening to the Jennasis Speaks podcast. If you love the show, one of the best things you can do is to share it with a friend. Tell them what you like about it, how it inspires you and invite them to listen. Subscribe to the Jennasis movement to empower women's voices and reclaim the power over your own narrative.