For years, Susan Warner Taylor felt that something about her was off kilter. It was as if some shadow in her past hovered over her present. For decades, Susan struggled to understand the shadow. She finally forced the shadow into the light when she asked he mother this question:
“Did Grandpa do something to me?”
Susan was stunned by the answer. Susan learned her grandfather abused her mother and her mother’s four sisters. Susan later discovered her grandfather had attempted or had been able to abuse more than 25 members of Susan’s extended family.
Hauntingly, some of those cousins’ told stories that echoed the flashbacks Susan began to have after learning about her grandfather. The ones who were abused all remembered their grandfather saying he loved them in a special way. They remembered their grandfather taking them to his cellar to show them that special way. They remembered being told that special way needed to be their secret.
This week Susan joins Jennifer Malcolm on for the Jennasis Speaks podcast to share her story of revelation, recovery and how sharing stories can heal.
For years, Susan Warner Taylor felt that something about her was off kilter. It was as if some shadow in her past hovered over her present. For decades, Susan struggled to understand the shadow. She finally forced the shadow into the light when she asked he mother this question:
“Did Grandpa do something to me?”
Susan was stunned by the answer. Susan learned her grandfather abused her mother and her mother’s four sisters. Susan later discovered her grandfather had attempted or had been able to abuse more than 25 members of Susan’s extended family.
Hauntingly, some of those cousins’ told stories that echoed the flashbacks Susan began to have after learning about her grandfather. The ones who were abused all remembered their grandfather saying he loved them in a special way. They remembered their grandfather taking them to his cellar to show them that special way. They remembered being told that special way needed to be their secret.
This week Susan joins Jennifer Malcolm on for the Jennasis Speaks podcast to share her story of revelation, recovery and how sharing stories can heal.
Calling all women who are curious and called Welcome to the next episode of the Jennasis Speaks podcast The And then we're gonna get into the small world connections and
Susan Warner Taylor:Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Jennifer Malcolm:You are most welcome. So Susan Warner Taylor nine grandchildren. She is also a survivor of childhood sexual willing to share your story today. Yeah, I'm happy to do fifth grade together at fifth sixth grade together. And I'm you were in the stands cheering him on. But also, I discovered years ago, when our paths first crossed to Nathan seeing some of rabbit hole we went.
Susan Warner Taylor:And that makes me so proud of my son that a principal with his students, but he gave me like the thumbs your story. So you start the story how you want to and, and I I was sad. But I don't remember a lot of laughter. I remember a to a doctor who prescribed me some medicine that I took for Um, I later have figured out exactly what I was sad about. not discontented. I found great happiness and motherhood that kids full time, and doing what I thought I should be doing with a program where she talked about being sexually abused as a it stuck in my mind, and it stuck in my mind. And I seem to this about? I didn't have any memory of that. I had a memory Virginia. And they were very typical Appalachian family So they became a very, very close family. They're very going cousin came, I had 52 first cousins on it. So it was it was 15 of things that happened with the extended family. I just done important for me to deal with it. So I was very fortunate I came to realize that I was very vulnerable to have been chosen younger brothers. I spent a lot of time alone. And when we would be what he called his special girl. You know, he groomed me parade. And I was on one side of the street, my grandfather was affectionate. So there was all of this built into me, probably started taking advantage of me sexually around age eight, this speaking about them. I've never told anybody, I've never spoken the first time and said, I have something I need to tell you. I So my mother began to tell me that she wasn't surprised that she had tried to watch me very closely when we were father also was upset, he felt bad. But he told me that when he watch over and protect her. Because my grandfather was still right? What age was your mom young when your grandfather was go into a bedroom and make a bed alone because I knew he would be families in the hills oftentimes lived. The patriarch of the 13. And she talks about how there's a grooming process. It there was a special relationship and you were helping someone out it continued to culminate, year after year, and you're using the somehow to be able to do this. And my grandfather was very good something in your life at that point that triggered it? Or was married young and I have three children. And that took a lot of were when you were abused. So that could have been a factor in memories that had been surprised, as your parents, your reaction besides shock, that they weren't surprised? Were you dad. So I had a hard time being angry with them. I probably it. Maybe you all knew, but I didn't know it. So she she girl that came later. So my mom was the middle of the of the didn't have a lot of protection from her sister. So the older and, and my mom and I were talking she says, Well, we don't devised a plan, where we would go and talk to all of my aunts aunts and talking to them about the abuse that I experienced, these stories to. And for many of them it was I remember my one say, you know, I think something happened with my daughter. And world. So, you know, there was all of these layers that because my mother didn't have a sister close to her to say that, focus in my home was a very legalistic, religious did say No, I never did. I always allowed him to do what he So it was really interesting that summer to hear all their in the community, outside, probably some neighbors, but of
Jennifer Malcolm:So as you're hearing these stories from your up. But also, I'm sure there's shock. I'm sure there's anger of
Susan Warner Taylor:Yeah, well, it was, it was pretty disassociated. So I would be looking down upon myself being this up, even if I don't have any feelings of it. And I'm same rooms, you know, offered up the same explanations use the that became very affirming to me. These disassociated memories though we had different reactions to what he did, We all support and compassion. And that the familial your how family say this, and that, that wouldn't even accept our able to do these things right. Now, pop was never that great of person. But they still had difficult time believing the
Jennifer Malcolm:And I can imagine if they're hearing it be that truth when the the stories coming out of you, your
Susan Warner Taylor:They all did come to me. They did they
Jennifer Malcolm:So then what did you do with all this? you go into therapy? Like what did you do with all these
Susan Warner Taylor:Yeah, so I was I was fortunate to have been the memories were very devastating. And I reached the that it was time for me to spend some time in house treatments. cousin who came and stayed with my children every day while I yourself in the love of God, not in what you are or what people totally concentrating on what I needed to do. I needed to find and do what the church tells you to do. Right? So that's who I I said I think I want to go back to school and I was like, why do about learning. So when my daughter was a kindergartner, worked through the round. And it was a wonderful experience, I the walls and finished up my for my bachelor's degree there, went
Jennifer Malcolm:Well, it sounds to me, like, you know, transferring that into the role of a mother, that at age 35, in business, analytics. And but for me, like going back as an hey, I am smart, I do have a brilliant mind. And to be able
Susan Warner Taylor:It was it was so eye opening to me that asked all the questions, all the questions that I was never able you know, I could have done psychology that would have
Jennifer Malcolm:Well I think that it's beautiful, because you transference of empowerment, that transference of being able
Susan Warner Taylor:It is, it was absolutely, and I also very narrow world of Christian education. But with all these find another another option in life that's getting married and
Jennifer Malcolm:Beautiful and, and I love that because that is a lot of Christian tenants, it's, you know, leave and cleave the first time, I have time, or it could be at different stages role in my life, with my best friend that I love playing with women to say there is more than an MRS degree. And to explore
Susan Warner Taylor:That's what I found for them, they, they did marriage as equal partners, and share that experience. So that
Jennifer Malcolm:That's good. So as you check your sociology really just set the stage right, but how did your family deal
Susan Warner Taylor:So I really believe that the way that you at a certain time with this family. That said, we have got We had arguments about, you know, we had like that couldn't had brought to our marriages, to our families to how we parented something that was off the table that they could not ask me approaching their 40s, some of them in their 40s. And we still come to me and tell me if there was ever anything wrong. So they abused, I would not have been able to talk about it because I able to give be given that information and protect and I love seeing him take care of these little children. My they were given, and the the ability to break through the
Jennifer Malcolm:That's amazing. I just got chills. And needs to be educated so that there was words of articulation, we were talking about yesterday, which was the need for starts at, you know, 11 1213 and naming body parts, but sexual
Susan Warner Taylor:That's right. Children have to be you need to come and talk to me about it. You know, I'll I'll uncovering this? No, not there's not one piece of me that regrets And at the end of that, I would say, tomorrow, I'm going to talk many students that would come to me afterwards and say, thank you have at least one person come to me and say, Wow, I'm so glad you
Jennifer Malcolm:And that has been thematic. As I record these enjoyed some of the sexual experience because my body other side is voice and all that other side and it doesn't make voice and and healing and advocacy is now flowing versus
Susan Warner Taylor:That's right. And it's a struggle. I this to public people, what your family thinks, you know, this to the world. You can talk about the story, even though there may
Jennifer Malcolm:Right. And so as listeners, if you're if come to me privately, Facebook messaging, camera, grab coffee story publicly today is going to give freedom and, and voice and
Susan Warner Taylor:Well, that's, that's why I do it. And
Jennifer Malcolm:That's good. As we wrap up, are there any
Susan Warner Taylor:Yeah, I would just encourage anyone that made up. But you know, we know that the majority of people that
Jennifer Malcolm:And we'll put a link to the book that you put people that are willing, I know I'm willing to listen, I'm gonna silence is broken, and that you are able to walk into freedom always comes out and, and it's okay and to have that community
Susan Warner Taylor:My favorite expression that was given to me
Jennifer Malcolm:Amen. Amen. That's beautiful. Well, thank
Susan Warner Taylor:...to all this COVID stuff.
Jennifer Malcolm:Are all of you are joined us today, I hope that connected to the right help as well. Alright, everyone, have a listen. Subscribe to the Jennasis movement to empower