Jennasis Speaks: The Transformative Power of Women's Stories

Bringing Truth to Light: Confronting & Coping with Family Sexual Abuse

April 22, 2021 Jennifer Malcolm Season 2 Episode 16
Jennasis Speaks: The Transformative Power of Women's Stories
Bringing Truth to Light: Confronting & Coping with Family Sexual Abuse
Show Notes Transcript

Madonna Savage-Phillips suspected there’d  be a price to pay for telling her 12 siblings that until she was 7, their mother stood by while their father molested her. 

She worried her siblings might not believe her and would reject her.  She feared her parents wouldn’t acknowledge the abuse. But she never suspected the price meant learning she wasn’t the only victim.

Her story shattered her large family into two factions. One faction—brothers molested by their mother and sisters molested by their father—validated her experience and helped her to heal. The other faction ostracized her. The rift remains.  

Madonna’s story is about overcoming fear, enduring loss, learning to heal and living in joy and in peace. 

Her story is one of several that Jennasis Speaks shares in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month.



Jennifer Malcolm:

Calling all women who are curious and called Transformative Power of Women's Stories where every woman has a friend, I don't even know how long we've known each other. I'm

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Thank you. Thank you Good. Glad to be

Jennifer Malcolm:

You are beaming. So I can't wait to just

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Okay.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Alrighty. So Madonna is a registered dental the hardest thing she's ever done. She's passionate about trafficking. She also does outreach to strip clubs as part

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Jennifer Malcolm:

You are so welcome. And it's so exciting so much more to share and talk about but was very grateful that

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yes, absolutely. It struck me in the

Jennifer Malcolm:

You are most welcome. And for those of you December shared some of her personal history and part of her more so the beauty of the healing and freedom walk in now. many different layers to your story. And I know yours actually

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Well, first of all, I came out when I favorite. Now you are and I remember taking that is such an to me that I was so special.

Jennifer Malcolm:

What age order are you in?

Madonna Savage-Philips:

I'm number 10 and all of us girls

Jennifer Malcolm:

That's awesome. So number 10. So that

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yeah. And part of that being part of There were so glad the boys were so glad to have a little sister.

Jennifer Malcolm:

So what made you start talking about or

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Well, my sister Jennifer called me one something, and I would finish it, I would say something and I wouldn't have to just carry it around. So that's how it a child. So it was just carried on to that I'm not shy and quiet

Jennifer Malcolm:

Bold and strong now. And it's interesting back. But you remember, but just stayed silent. To keep the shame

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Oh, yeah. Rejection was my number

Jennifer Malcolm:

Wow. And it's amazing that your sister

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Number 13. Number 13 helped me unlock

Jennifer Malcolm:

What a gift. And I'm sad that that happened

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yes.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Warrior advocate now. So as you and your

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Well, we decided we were going to call my ended up having conversations and talking it out. And then I they denied everything. They denied everything.

Jennifer Malcolm:

I'm so sorry.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

That was hurtful. And to me that was the

Jennifer Malcolm:

Yeah.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

I don't quite understand all that. But

Jennifer Malcolm:

And so you have you and your sister saying

Madonna Savage-Philips:

And my brother also had the same story.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Wow. So you all have similar stories and

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Correct. And their bodies convulsing as ourselves. Yeah.

Jennifer Malcolm:

And, and was it. And I know that odd or weird

Madonna Savage-Philips:

I believe it was that they knew my seven.

Jennifer Malcolm:

But your youngest just experienced it

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Well, because usually, I always

Jennifer Malcolm:

I'm so sorry. So what did you you have your

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Well, I suggested we go to counseling. things, but not speaking about it wasn't going to heal it. So

Jennifer Malcolm:

Wow.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yeah. And we didn't get invited to hurting them. But I can't. It's the truth. Can't...

Jennifer Malcolm:

And it wasn't about their hurt feelings even.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

It was all a training and a

Jennifer Malcolm:

Were you get so like perception of your

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yes, yeah, absolutely. And we were in Church. So we could do no wrong. We were kids. Most of us were

Jennifer Malcolm:

Sure. The time though that they've you stopped did you? Was it coming out sideways in ways that you've

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Well, I guess it's whose perspective is numbing. And I also could be joyful. When I was drinking in

Jennifer Malcolm:

It's amazing because we all cope in different know, or it comes out sideways through overdoing this or a way for us to cope. And it's a way for us to target something, ourselves or others. So I'm just curious, like how and for you,

Madonna Savage-Philips:

But um, I was very, you know, I guess it

Jennifer Malcolm:

To be out of control. But within you perfectionism and control people who have been sexually abused. things versus it being put upon us.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

And in control to let you know that I'm courageous, it wouldn't have happened.

Jennifer Malcolm:

And it's that victim mentality that lies that you're if any of this as we're sharing these pockets and pieces and allowing that to be healed, and two will have the scars will

Madonna Savage-Philips:

There's this oh thank God, I'm not the mostly the boys who've never been a part of this, mostly it's saved all of the grandkids.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Wow.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

So but it was healing. It was healing.

Jennifer Malcolm:

We shared that you shared some of that with me appreciate your guys's tenacity for the next generation and to How, how is that generation the grandkids generation? How are

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Well, that's what came out of what we thought we were keeping some some of the stuff. I did conversation lead there. They wept the hardest, they wept. It Why are you are the only one that told your children? Why are reunions, when we started getting back together after that

Jennifer Malcolm:

Yeah.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

But it wasn't anything, you know, a ton

Jennifer Malcolm:

And that's the beauty of truth. And I know we you know, out in the light. And it's so scary, though. And I answer, honestly, hard questions.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yeah, one of the hardest things I had hold them or be in a room alone with them. And that, and then

Jennifer Malcolm:

So how was that reunion back with your

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Correct. You're just going to move on

Jennifer Malcolm:

Well, what was the courage piece in you that well.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yeah, you know what I actually cannot get away from from possible, you know, things that might get And then then they decided to come back after 10 years moved and everything else towards the end of their lives.

Jennifer Malcolm:

Did you I know your parents who said earlier

Madonna Savage-Philips:

No, I was just discussing this with my came a point of my forgiving it really, I asked God to help me And he's like, I don't know what else to do, then he died with jail and not the brother who's in jail. And then she kind of because she couldn't say it out of her own mouth about some of

Jennifer Malcolm:

Well and I think it's important because I here. And forgiveness is a choice and a will. And I choose you flip the switch and all the pain goes away. But how did you

Madonna Savage-Philips:

So first of all, I thought this was weird and seeing a counselor that it probably came from that she a that's another Jedi of the story but very physically behind her back, I would have to actually cringe my face. Like all. Oftentimes, she would go away for days at a time, just and I just grabbed ahold of her and I said I love you mom. I

Jennifer Malcolm:

And it's amazing when you put things out couldn't understand or forgiveness that wasn't there

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yes, yes. It is a long night it

Jennifer Malcolm:

And healing takes time, healing, you know, resonating because of a story, that you maybe you've been assault or remembering my abuse. And then you'll realize, you both had tears like, it's still there's still wounds, there's

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yeah, like you said, before, there's totally different way and more mature way and calmer way. And

Jennifer Malcolm:

And I love that because even in the healing remotely do something, I knew that I like, yep. That's why I triggered, or we get a smell, a sound, an emotion that reopened bit about the current work you're doing because there is how they potentially could get involved as well.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

I found out through a friend My friend to the next step. Okay, push the volunteer button. I've been 10 that rehabs ministry out of Canton Akron area. A woman our mission is just to love. Just love, love on you. And if trafficked or vulnerable to trafficking or have had family Cleveland. And I finished my training and my background check

Jennifer Malcolm:

So when you go into the strip clubs are the

Madonna Savage-Philips:

They are said the girls really love you. and asking them how their families are doing. But no, the

Jennifer Malcolm:

Amazing.

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yeah.

Jennifer Malcolm:

And that is such a gift because I am getting just the conversation piece and humanizing. Yes. When they are

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yes, yes. It's amazing. I've had lots sticks on us, too. And why we so it's been really, really

Jennifer Malcolm:

I honor that journey. And it's that part of of who we are. And through the demonstration, through rehab and there any parting words, as you're closing up this podcast?

Madonna Savage-Philips:

Yes, I absolutely. have something to to sum that up.

Jennifer Malcolm:

That's awesome. That gave me didn't. And I was rejected and despised. And you you took some to survive. But looking back just the gem that of the woman were a healing extension to me during a really dark time in my

Madonna Savage-Philips:

It's an honor and a pleasure. I really

Jennifer Malcolm:

Good. Well, we're wrapping up here, ladies. know, shrink back into the silence of maybe abuse that this is joy and freedom. Amen. So, have a great afternoon and I inspired You and invite them to listen. Subscribe to the